She's Here!

Baby Paprika was born on Sunday August 12, 2012 at 11:02pm via c-section. She weighed in at 7lb5oz and was 19.75 inches long.

Take Your Pick

I've spent the last 3 weeks trying to get my baby to turn around and s/he just won't budge. I still don't know what the heck happened as s/he has been head down the entire pregnancy up until a few weeks ago.

I've tried everything - pelvic tilts, applying cold to the top of my belly, playing music to the bottom of my belly, shining a light in my vagina, herbal medicines, and burning an ancient Chinese incense at my baby toe (the baby toe apparently controls the position of the fetus). NOTHING HAS WORKED.

My midwives referred me to an OBGYN who I met with today. There is really no option for me but to have a c-section. He's sending me for an ultrasound on Monday to reconfirm what I already know, that my baby is head up. Then I get to choose when to have the baby.

I get to pick my baby's birthday! How weird and cool is that?  It will be either August 14 or August 22, because the OB is going on vacation from August 15 - 21.  I would like to have the baby on August 22 for two reasons.  The first being that my baby will get to cook a little longer, and the second, that is my Dad's birthday. And giving him his first grandchild for his 77th birthday would be the best gift I could ever give him.

Wrong Way

I had a midwife appointment last Friday where I complained about the top of my belly being really sore, just under the ribs on my right side. I figured my baby was kicking me in the same spot over and over. My midwife thought otherwise. She said that's a classic sign of a breech baby.

I went for an ultrasound earlier this afternoon and my baby is pointed the wrong way. Head up, bum straight down. The sore spot is where the baby's head has been pushing up into the top of my uterus.

This is a game changer folks. Breech was not in my plans for a home birth. I really don't want a c-section. That's my worst fear come true.

I'll be seeing the midwives on Friday to see if there's anything that can be done to get this baby to turn around.

Rock'n'Roll Coochie Coo

Jelly & Blondie threw me the BEST shower yesterday!!!  IT WAS AWESOME COVERED IN AWESOME SAUCE!!!

I have to say, my BFFs are beyond amazing. First, they know me. Second, they listen to me. Third, they deliver!

The shower was a rock'n'roll theme and every detail right down to the colour of the cutlery, set to match the colour of the nursery, was PERFECT.

Blondie's living room was decorated in onesies and receiving blankets that she had meticulously ironed on pictures of Elvis, Janis and other rock legends. The food was served in bowls made out of vinyl records that Jelly made herself! There were no lame games like find the poop in the diaper, but one awesome game of guess the famous rock star from their baby picture. And the pièce de résistance, a framed gold record that all the guests signed, under which had a plaque engraved with "Baby Comedian, Release Date Summer 2012, Produced by Paprika and The Comedian".

I cannot put into words how wonderful the afternoon was. And I certainly cannot express how absolutely grateful I am to have such amazing people in my circle of family and friends. They gave my baby literally a TRUCK LOAD of stuff.  Our SUV was packed to the roof. It was and is beyond overwhelming. My kid is set for the first 2 years of its life. Anything I could have ever imagined needing or wanting was so very generously given to me.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that in about 6 weeks, a brand new person will be coming into my life. I guess it's a good thing everyone else has accepted it and gave me all the stuff I will need to take care of the little one. ;)

Showered with Love

My team organized a very lovely shower at work today. I knew they were planning this because they approached me and asked what day I would like to have it. And they know me well enough that they know I don't like surprises. And really, who would ever think surprising a pregnant lady is a good thing?

Although I knew it was coming, I was still surprised with all of the wonderful details they took the time to plan. And I was really surprised with the of people who showed up, there was at least one person from every department across the organization.

My boss, the CIO, lead the festivities. He gave a power point presentation with the results of a poll that was conducted. It was so funny and so totally cute. It had questions like is the baby a boy or girl, will s/he be born with no hair or hair like Elvis, and which Glee character will the baby be most like (answer was Mercedes).

They also presented me with a cake, a wonderful card that was signed by seemingly everyone and a crib bedding set. They also had Elvis playing in the background as we ate and chatted.

I cried when I got back to my desk. The love and support from my team and others in the organization was totally overwhelming. I honestly didn't expect so much love from everyone.

Stigmata

It took 33 weeks, but I now officially have stretch marks on my belly.

And I am super pissed off.

SUPER DUPER IMMENSELY PISSED RIGHT THE FUCK OFF.

I don't know why this has come as such a shock to me. And I don't know why I'm so fucking mad about it. Maybe because it took so long I thought I had escaped them. Or maybe because none of my other friends who have been pregnant along with me didn't get one damned mark, I figured I would be lucky too.

BUT I GOT THEM AND NOW I HATE MYSELF.

I told my husband to divorce me now if he thinks he won't find me attractive after the baby is born. He laughed and said I was beautiful and didn't care if the stretch marks went all the way up to my eyes. I cried and called him a liar and told him I would stab him in the chest and bury him in the backyard if he ever tried to leave me because of my stretch marks.  He can totally leave me for being a crazy bitch, but not for what I look or don't look like.

I know I'm being totally irrational about this. I have three scars on my belly from my appendectomy. I think they are totally rad and I show them off whenever I get the chance. They are my battle scars. They are proof I won against my angry appendix threatening to take my life.

I know I should look at my stretch marks as the proof that I grew a WHOLE PERSON and lived to tell about it. I know I should be proud. I know I shouldn't care if they never fade.

BUT I HATE THEM.

I guess it hate them because it's proof that I'm human.

FUCK.

Proof I've Grown Up

I had lunch today with two of my good friends whom I met in my first year of university back in 1994.  We were party girls for the four years we went to school, and every summer for 10 years after we graduated. We would go up north for an extended weekend and just drink and dance and drink and puke and drink and pass out and drink again. I'm surprised none of us have a) ever been seriously injured during one of our binges and b) required liver transplants.

Since those party days, both of these girls have gotten jobs relocating them to places all over the world. One is a teacher in the UK and the other is a physiotherapist in Haiti. Occasionally the stars align just right and they end up back in Ontario for just long enough to have a few hours together. Today was one of those days.

If you had told me back then that today I would be having lunch with these girls and their kids and that I am in my final trimester of pregnancy, I would have asked you to pass me whatever it was you were drinking because that must be some damn good booze to have a hallucination like that!

But it did happen. And here's the proof.

The whole time I was with them, I was having an out-of-body experience. It's just not possible that we all grew up, got married, got jobs, and got kids. WTF happened to the girls who wore itty bitty dresses to the bar, drank and danced and drank and then didn't remember how they got home?

Now we're girls who talk about pregnancy and the transition to mommy hood and breastfeeding and the best toys for teething and explosive poop. I almost passed out when both of them whipped out their boobs to feed their respective babies. I've seen their boobs before (did I mention how drunk we used to get?) but never with a baby latched on.

This picture is going to blow my mind for a good long time. 

Baby Brain Strikes Again

My husband bought me a brand new carton of lactose free milk yesterday. I opened it up, poured a nice big glass, set the carton down, and left it out all night.  When I discovered it this morning, it was already pretty rancid.

Apparently baby brain gets worse after the baby arrives. I hope I don't ever forget my child on a counter somewhere.

Transition Time

My replacement started today. I spent 8 hours talking and talking and showing and phoning and copying and talking and talking and I feel like I've passed on zero knowledge to her.

I have exactly 8 more days with her and then I'm outta here. I know this won't be enough time to train her.

God bless her soul. I hope she doesn't cry or quit or kill herself.

Date Night

The Comedian and I went out on a date tonight. I'm sure this will be one of the nights we look back on fondly while we're up with a crying baby in the middle of the night.
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We had dinner at Dani's Bistro. I LOVE this place! It has amazing food and it's not expensive at all. I've paid twice as much for half the quality at a lot of places in Toronto. I had a lovely tilapia with rice and salad, and The Comedian had the pot roast with mashed potatoes and veggies.

After our wonderful dinner, we went to the movies. We saw the absolutely AWFUL Rock of Ages.  They completely destroyed the story, didn't have "Oh Sherrie" in final cut even through the credits list it as part of the soundtrack, and Tom Cruise was the worst casting choice EVER. He was absolutely foul as Stacee Jaxx.

When I saw the trailer, I thought it was strange they cut it pushing Tom Cruise's Stacee Jaxx soooo hard. I figured it was because they wanted to use his star power to draw the audience. Turns out they changed the storyline and made it all about Stacee rather than the love story between Sherrie and Drew. I thought Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta were perfect as Sherrie & Drew. It's too bad they were relegated to such minor characters. I'm really disappointed because this was an Adam Shankman film and he did such an amazing job with translating Hairspray from the stage to film, I was fully expecting he would do the same for Rock of Ages. This film will not make it to my Amazon wish list, ever.

We'll have to go catch another movie soon so I can erase the memory of this one from my mind and replace it with something good.

The Seal Has Been Broken

After almost 2 years of commuting on Coach Canada, tonight I had to do the one thing I promised myself I would never ever do on the bus - use the on-board washroom.

I have always had a bladder of steel. And since getting pregnant, I have relied on this natural talent. But I've also been very careful to use the washroom before climbing onto the bus, especially now that I'm heading towards the end of my pregnancy.

But tonight, there was no amount of preparation I could have done to have avoided this fate. There were three accidents on the QEW between Toronto and Burlington that not only snarled traffic, but stopped everything completely.

I held on for three hours through the disasters. Just when it looked like we were finally in the clear, another accident shut us down just a few minutes from the stop in downtown Grimsby.

And that was it. The breaking point. I waddled out of my seat to the back of the bus where the closet of a washroom is located.

It lived up to my worst nightmare. It was very small and my pregnant belly kept banging off each wall. It was stinky. It was grimy. It was dark because the frigging latch on the door didn't shut properly so the door didn't completely lock, nor did the light come on. And there's one handle to hold on to that I'm sure 29453 other people touched after having touched their penis or vagina.

The pièce de résistance - no soap and water to wash your hands, only hand sanitizer in a fucking grimy dispenser that looks like it hasn't been cleaned since 1984.

I texted The Comedian when I got back to my seat and told him to bring a hazmat suit, lighter fluid and a match because the only way I would ever get rid of this filthy memory would be to burn my skin off.

I hate you bus. I hate you traffic. I hate you commute.

Two weeks and three days left, and it can't come fast enough.

Getting Lonely

I'm experiencing a weird sense of abandonment since my coworker gave birth last week. It was amazing to having someone going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. Yes she was 8 weeks further in her pregnancy and yes, pregnancy is different from woman to woman (and from pregnancy to pregnancy in the same woman), but I don't think I could have made it this far with this much emotional stability without her support.

Now she's done and I'm not. And I'm almost resentful. Or jealous? I don't know. It's bizarre to say the least. I'm so happy for her and her brand new baby girl. But I'm almost angry in that she just left me here without warning and before I was fully ready to let her go.

Oh pregnancy hormones, you really screw with me.

Now Serving Number 3

My coworker gave birth to a healthy baby girl this afternoon via c-section. Everyone is doing just fine. :)

Baby made her debut 9 days early! And on Prince William's 30th birthday!

My Niece is Here!

She has arrived! Born at 6:07pm, 7lbs10oz. Mom & baby are doing fine.

My very first niece!!! :) :) :)

Next at Bat

I just got word that The Comedian's sister-in-law went into labour last night! They are at the hospital now. 

My niece will likely be born today!!  WOOT!  She will have a cool birthday numerically speaking: 6-6-12.

Baby Magnolia

She's here!!! :) :) :) Here's the text I just received with the fantastic news!

Baby Magnolia was born at 6:43pm, weighing 6lbs, 2oz.  Mother, father and baby are all doing great.

And Here We Go

Mrs. Magnolia texted me a few minutes ago. Her water broke last night and she's at the hospital now! OH EM GEE!!!!!! She and her hubby celebrated their 2 year wedding anniversary yesterday. What a wonderful present the baby will be. :)

100 Days

There are lots of things that 100 days can refer to.  For me, the next 100 days will forever be the last 100 days before becoming a mom.

I'm light years from my last major countdown. One section of that post really resonates with me.

"Twelve months ago, the beginning of the end arrived. It was June 2007 when everything started to unravel at a speed I couldn't manage. Watching my life dissolve before my very eyes was overwhelming to say the least.

And now sitting here, with twelve months in between that life and this life, all I can do is breathe. Big breath in, and all of it out. My life is better, but not. My outlook is clear, but fuzzy. My hope for the future is there, but not at all. Conundrum. I never really understood the weight of that word until now."

I'm sitting here with 5 years in between that life and this life. And all I can do is smile.

Magic Moments

The Comedian felt the baby kick for the first time this morning, at 10:26am to be precise.

We were lying in bed and the baby started moving. I took his hand and placed it on my stomach.

"Did you feel that?"

"Nope."

...

"Oh, did you feel that one?"

"No..."
...

"Did you feel...."

"I FELT IT!!"

That was one of the most amazing moments of my life. Absolutely magical.

But He Was So Hot In My Head

I'm responsible for ordering software at work through a third-party reseller. My rep Standley (yes, his parents put a "d" where it didn't belong) is totally awesome and helpful and has a super smooth, dare I say sexy, telephone voice. I always enjoy placing orders with him because his voice is so nice AND he laughs at all my jokes.

In my mind, I imagined him to be about my age with blonde hair, blue eyes, fit and wearing a snappy suit with an equally snappy tie every day.

We've often talked about our personal life, so he knows about when I got married and now that I'm expecting. He shared the story of his daughter being born at home, and what an amazing experience it was for him and his wife.

Recently, his office moved to using Lync, for their telecom solution which makes bugging him for follow up on software orders so much easier. Lync is like MSN chat on steroids. We've been using Lync for about a year now so it's awesome when I can contact people outside of my organization.  One of the many features Lync offers is video calling.

So when Standley initiated a video call today, I was excited to finally put a face to the voice I've been talking to for almost two years. I also didn't think twice to answer it, even though I was working from home in my PJs, wearing my old glasses, with total bed head. It's my buddy Standley after all. I KNOW HIM.

Yeah, I don't know him because the guy on the other end wasn't the guy in my head. The guy on the other end looked like this:

Yup. That's the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. And that is also Standley. Seriously, I think Matt Groening knows Standley and created the character in his spitting image.

I don't think I have ever been that disappointed in seeing someone for the first time. Actually, I do remember a guy I met online back in like 2002 who had a great photo and was awesome to talk to on the phone, but when we met in person, his forehead was a big bubble. Truly a BIG BUBBLE HEAD. So big that I couldn't stop staring at it. I just could not figure out how in all of his pictures, there was no bubble. Maybe he was a master at an early version of Photoshop.

I'm sad I know what Standley looks like. I want this guy back:

For Once, It Isn't Me!

The Comedian is still sick!! He has been coughing so hard he's strained a muscle in his chest. I shipped him off to the walk-in clinic earlier this morning, where they determined he's got bronchitis! He really should have gone last week to take care of it, but you know how men are - all macho and shit. He has a shiny bottle of antibiotics now. I hope he fully recovers before my brother's wedding this weekend!

While I'm still sniffling, I have managed to escape succumbing to bronchitis the way I usually do when I get a cold. I think the baby has given me some sort of elevated immunity powers to fight off the infection. What a good baby.

So Much For That

I seem to have some sort of reverse perfect timing syndrome, in that some catastrophy manages to occur when it is least wanted or needed.

The Comedian and I went to NYC this past weekend for one last hurrah before the baby arrives. Two days before departure, he got sick with a cold courtesy of his coworker. One day before departure, I joined him in his misery.

We had to get up at 4am to get ready and drive to the airport to catch our 8am flight. 4am is not fun, not even a little bit. Even with the promise of being in my favourite city a few hours later, I was not a happy camper. Oh, and did I mention it was pouring rain?

We managed to get through security in a timely fashion and went to our gate. Our plane was sitting there getting fueled up and bags loaded. At about one hour to departure, an annoucement was made that our flight would be delayed because our pilot was still in NYC.

Great. Awesome. Perfect.

That bit of news didn't help The Comedian's anxiety levels. He's only ever flown once about 15 years ago, to and from LA. So now he had another hour to stew over all the things that can possibly go wrong. I don't think I was being my supportive best when I told him to "suck it up, Buttercup" after he told me another one of his why-the-plane-will-go-down scenarios. And, we also had a friend meeting us at the airport who went in on the flight ahead of us. So she got screwed over too.

When our pilot finally arrived, and we finally got moving, I was utterly exhausted. All I wanted to do was nap on the flight. But we ended up sitting next to a very nice, but very chatty lady named Lizzie. She yakked our ears off the whole way there. And since I was in the middle seat, I couldn't exactly fall asleep while she told us all about her two grown daughters, how she recently retired from running a daycare in her home for the last 18 years, her planned family trip to Italy in June and how she gets REALLY NERVOUS flying. She really was very lovely, but I just wanted to sleeeeeeeep.

NYC turned out to be overcast but dry when we touched down so that gave me a little hope that we wouldn't be stuck inside all day. We made our way to the hotel via cab, checked in and then made our way to meet with some friends for lunch at S'MAC in the East Village.

The plan was to meet at Bleecker subway station at 12:30pm. We got there at half past on the dot and waited on the sidewalk. And waited...and waited...and looked at every person coming up from the subway....for an HOUR. We finally gave up and made our way to S'MAC.

Eventually our friends showed up. By the time we all finished eating and walked back to the subway, I was pooped. The plan was to go back to the hotel and rest for a little bit before hitting Central Park.

You know, inertia is a very powerful force. We ended up staying at the hotel for a few hours and skipped Central Park because I just couldn't peel myself off the bed. But do you know what's more powerful than inertia? The promise of the best cupcakes ever.

Sprinkles lived up to that promise. While I was devouring their red velvet cupcake, I thought back to all the times when I thought I was having the best cupcake ever, and this cupcake kicked the crap out of those memories. This was indeed, the best cupcake I have ever had in my whole life!

And inertia applied itself even harder than at the hotel because before we knew it, it was time to head to the Neil Simon Theatre to catch a performance of Jesus Christ Superstar.

I'm really glad JCS is a loud rock opera because I would have been thrown out of the theatre for disrupting the show with my constant nose-blowing and coughing. I believe I went through an entire box of kleenex (which I brought along from the hotel room) during the 2 hour performance.

Somewhere in there, I did manage to contain my snot long enough to see my friend have his moment to shine in the spotlight. He completely demolished his song!!! I was punching The Comedian in the leg I was so freaking proud!! I wish I had the words to accurately describe his performance but believe me (and I'm a super tough critic), he was total AMAZEBALLS!

We caught up with him after the show at a greasy spoon diner across the street from the theatre. I asked him a million questions about what it's like to live out the Broadway dream. He was telling us all about rehearsals, how well the cast gets along, how they may get nominated for a Tony, how he's adjusting to living in NYC and suddenly, I hit the proverbial brick wall.

It was midnight, which was also the 20th hour of being awake. Oh, and it started pouring so hard it looked like a fucking monsoon hit midtown Manhattan.

We went outside to hail a cab and people, let me tell you, YOU CANNOT FIND A CAB WHEN IT RAINS. In a city where the cab to person ratio is like 3:1, there wasn't a SINGLE one to be found. After about 30 minutes of standing in the rain like idiots (I stood in a phone booth like an idiot), we walked over to a nearby Marriott and begged the concierge there to phone us a cab.

By the time we got back to our hotel, it was almost 1am and I was almost dead. But instead of being able to collapse into a coma-like sleep, both The Comedian and I were up all night coughing and blowing our noses.

The next day wasn't any better. I was cranky and tired and we fought when he wanted to go to the NBC Store and I wanted to get something to eat. It was still pouring rain so no hopes of a quick tour around Central Park. We chalked it up to shitty timing and headed to the airport sooner rather than later.

But no trip to NYC would be complete without a terrifying cab ride. Our driver was busy chatting on his phone while our cab was flying at warp speed, cutting off everyone in our path and damn near slamming into a truck in front of us. And The Comedian is afraid of flying?!

And our flight home was delayed an hour. Only this time we had the pleasure of being stuck on the runway, waiting for clearance to depart. And believe it or not, our friend Lizzie was on board again. It's a small (rainy, germ infested) world afterall....

Friday the 13th Horrors

I've never believed that Friday the 13th is unlucky, until now.

I woke up this morning and found that my right boob leaked while I was sleeping.

And Brad Pitt proposed to Angelina Jolie.

Blargh!

Hope your day has been luckier than mine.

Half Way There

I am officially 20 weeks into my pregnancy. Things I have learned so far:

• It goes by really fast
• It goes by really slow
• Heartburn is insane and I'm sorry for all those who have ever had it
• The baby enjoys kicking my cervix
• My hormones are out of control and my husband may divorce me sometime in the next 20 weeks
• I should have bought maternity bras from the beginning, and not just from the beginning of my pregnancy, from the time I hit the DD mark in grade 13
• My boobs do not fit into any tops anymore - I may just have to wear moo moos from here on in.
• The hair on my head has not grown thicker or faster, but the hair under my arms has
• Everyone*** has an opinion about anything regarding my pregnancy
• I still cannot wrap my head around the fact there is someone inside of me - SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME! Mind = blown

*** Everyone except my own brothers. They don't give a shit about their niece or nephew. They have not physically seen me since Christmas and have not once in the time since asked me how I or the baby are doing. I am really hurt by this. And given my current emotional state, I am at the point where I am going to cut them out of my life for good. I don't want to be disappointed any further by them or their (expletives removed) wives.

Whodathunkit?

Mrs. Magnolia and I have gone from this: http://paprikaspice.blogspot.ca/2007/08/times-two.html
To this:

What a difference five years, and the right husband, can make.

I am going to take this moment to pat us on the back. Yay us! We done good, finally.

Online Baby Maker

Here is what technology says my baby may look like.

The funny thing is, I think it could totally happen. The fact the baby maker picked blue eyes is crazy because how could it possibly know that my Dad and his Mom have blue eyes? We have a 25% chance of having a blue eyed baby. And the red hair is also a crazy coincidence because The Comedian is half Irish with lots of red heads on his side of the family. I've got a few red heads on my side of the family as well.

Either way, it sure is a cute baby! 

Start Spreading the News

I just booked a weekend trip to the Big Apple!! WHOOOO!!!  The reason for this trip is to see my childhood friend perform in the Broadway revival of Jesus Christ Superstar! He's one of the apostles, so it's a pretty big role!

We're flying in on a Saturday morning and flying home the next night so it's gonna be a short but very sweet trip.

I haven't been to NYC in almost 4 years. This will be our last hurrah before the baby arrives. Five weeks till we go!!

Gift of Life

I woke up at around 2:30am having to go pee (as usual) and I noticed my Blackberry blinking with a notification that my Dad had sent an email. I have an app that makes my BB blink specific colours depending on the sender. Dad is light blue.

I pop it open and it's an email informing me and my brothers that he has signed up to be an organ donor.

Of course, this kept me up most of the night because I do not (and will not) handle the fact my Dad won't be around someday.

When I finally fell asleep an hour later, I had crazy dreams about my Dad having donated limbs to amputies. So there were these people walking around with a part of my Dad sewn on to them.

I sent this to my Dad this morning:

"Well they're going to have to wait a really looooooong time (I would guess at least forever) to get their hands on your awesome organs."

I want to call first dibs on his heart, because it's made of gold.

The Kindness of Strangers

I got to the Tim Hortons across from my office every morning and order the exact same thing. A breakfast sandwich with just egg and swiss cheese on an english muffin, a hashbrown, a small (up until a few months ago it was a medium) steeped tea with one milk and one sugar.

At some point, I ended up getting waited on by Vanessa. And because I'm a creature of habit, and she seemed to be the only one who could get my order right - having swiss cheese requires a substitution of the processed cheese at no extra charge, which confuses most of the workers - I made sure to get into her line every morning.

One day I walked up to Vanessa's register and before I could open my mouth she said, "I know this! Don't tell me!" She punched in my order perfectly, took my money and wished me a nice day.

Since then, whenever I end up in her line, she punches in my order and we exchange pleasantries. Pretty awesome eh?

Well this morning, Vanessa showed me how much more awesome she can be.

I got in her line and ahead of me were two construction workers who ordered about 20 coffees each. (And really, 20 separate coffee orders? Why not order 2 boxes of coffee and then take a bunch of milk and sugar with you? Oh, you'd rather hold up the line behind you for 15 minutes. Of course.)

Realizing this was going to be a long wait, I pulled out my Blackberry and sent a few texts to my husband and surfed around Facebook.

I looked up a few minutes later to see how the line was moving and Vanessa made eye contact. A few moments later, she had a tea and food up on the counter beside her and she motioned for me to come up to the front.

"I saw you in line and preordered for you."

She rung me up, I quickly gave her my money and said, "I think that's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. THANK YOU!"

She smiled and said, "You're welcome, see you tomorrow!"

I smiled all the way back to the office and told my coworkers about how great Vanessa is.

Customer service isn't completely dead.

Final Credits

Today was supposed to be awesome because it's the Leap Day. Instead, it sucked because Davy Jones passed away this morning from a massive heart attack. February has been a real stinker this year.

I've been a huge Monkees fan since I was a teenager. Before the internet became the internet, I was part of a Usenet group dedicated to them called alt.music.monkees. I would spend hours and hours on the boards talking to Monkees fans from all around the world. I even ordered a t-shirt that has alt.music.monkees fashioned into the shape of a guitar.

Through the boards, I learned that The Monkees would reunite for a 25th anniversary tour. And it would be ALL FOUR OF THEM!  I bought tickets for a show at Melody Fair in Buffalo.

A few days before the tour kicked off, it was announced that Mike Nesmith would not be joining Peter, Mickey and Davy. Boy was I mad as Mike was my favourite. But I went anyway and it was a really fun afternoon.

RIP Davy. I hope you're putting on a show for everyone in heaven.

I Will Keep Counting

Today would have been Lara's 45th birthday.

The sun is shining really brightly this morning. I am sure that is her doing.

Happy Birthday my sweet friend. We all miss you so very much.

Family Day

Today is Family Day in Ontario, so I got a day off work.

Today also marks the 28th year since my mother passed away.

I called my Dad as I always do on this day. And I prayed he wouldn't remember. And while I don't think he totally forgot, this is the first year we didn't actually acknowledge it out loud.

Instead he told me that he's planning to drive to Long Island, NY this weekend, to meet a lady he's been talking to on the internet for the last 3 months. His plan is to drive there, have a coffee with her, and then drive back.

I freaked out and told him he's nuts to drive all the way out there for really no reason, and all by himself. He yelled at me and said that he can do whatever he likes. I yelled back and told him if anything were to happen to him, it would be HOURS before we could get to him, and never mind how much it would cost for him to be treated at a hospital. We kept yelling at each other until we finally said HAPPY FAMILY DAY, I LOVE YOU and hung up.

I actually glad we had it out rather than what happened last year, where we sat at the kitchen table and cried our eyes out.

We miss you Mommy. xoxo

RIP x 2

My birthday party was a complete disaster. Exactly two friends showed up. Everyone else cancelled because of the weather.

It hasn't snowed all winter (and people question the effects of global warming) until today. All fucking day. We got about a foot dumped on us. And then the emails and texts started coming in. "Sorry!" "I'll make it up to you!" "It's crazy out there!"

YEAH WHATEVER. This is Canada and seriously people, with a little effort and caution, you could have made it! How did you survive every other winter up until now?!

The two friends who did show up got to see me in full pouting glory. Chalk it up to a combination of pregnancy hormones and memories of failed birthdays from my childhood.

And the icing on my birthday cake? Whitney Houston went and died.  So whatever life was left in my party died when the news broke.

I'm officially moving my birthday to August 8th.

I Would Rather Deal With Freddy Krueger

I have always had vivid dreams. Since getting pregnant and Lara passing away, my dreams have turned into insane nightmares.

My "favourite" so far was where I was lying in my bed and a swarm of bees were stinging my feet. I was trying to get away, but The Comedian was pinning me down. I was screaming at him to let me go. I punched him in the face and clawed at his eyes but he wouldn't release me. And I was wailing because of the pain of the bee stings.

It was so real that I was crying out in real life and it took my husband a solid five minutes to wake me up. I was so shaken I had tears streaming down my face and snot running out of my nose. I couldn't stop shaking and I actually threw the covers off to make sure the bees weren't still there.

I've had two dreams about Lara. And both of them involved her hubby getting remarried very shortly after her passing. I was a member of the wedding party in both dreams. In the first one, I knew she was there but I couldn't see her face. In the second one, she was there, sitting up at the front before the ceremony. She was wearing a beautiful red dress and she looked to be about 15 years older. She didn't say anything, but we made eye contact.

I really hope these crazy dreams aren't affecting the baby. And I really hope these dreams aren't coming from the baby!  Bees?!  Really?!

Kids These Days

I was sitting in the food court just down the street from my office, having lunch today - grilled cheese and french fries, probably not the best thing for baby but whatever!  The place was packed so anytime someone would vacate a seat, another person would quickly fill it.

The two seats next to me were soon filled by a young man and woman. The man was Irish complete with accent. The woman was Canadian but of Indian decent. They were chit chatting while I was chowing down and browsing the web on my Blackberry.

Here's a portion of their conversation:

Girl: How old are your parents?

Boy: My Dad is 56 and my Mom is 63. How about yours?

Girl: My Dad is 60 and my Mom is 58.

Boy: How old was your mom when she had you?

Girl: Oh she was old!  She was 34 when she had me.

Boy: That's pretty late in life don't you think?

Girl: Yeah. I think my parents wish they had had us earlier so they could have done more stuff with us. I wish they were younger you know, so they could be around longer.

I had two immediate reactions. The first was WTF, I'm turning 37 tomorrow and I'm certainly not OLD and I'm having a kid in 6 months.  The second was, OMG maybe I *am* too old for this?  Is this what my kid will be saying in 24 years to her friend while having lunch in between classes?

I still don't know whether to scream or burst into tears.

My Dad was almost 40 when I was born. I used to wish he were younger, especially since he's all I have had since I was 9 years old. But now I know with his age, came wisdom and insight that none of my friend's younger parents had. Which is probably why we all turned out pretty awesome.

Signs of the Apocalypse

The world as I know it has ended for the following reasons:

1. I haven't blogged in almost a month.
2. It's one week until my birthday and it's 7C outside.
3. I'm pregnant.

I'm 10.5 weeks along and I'm surprised my baby is growing given all the craziness that has happened in the last few weeks. I've drowned my baby in booze (before I knew I was pregnant), drowned it in sorrow (I really miss you Lara) and was in a minor car accident two nights ago (everyone is fine).

But my little peanut is hanging in there in spite of everything.

OMG YOU GUYS I'M PREGNANT.

I never thought I would ever actually get to this point in my life. For those of you who know me in real life, you *know* how completely freaky this is for me. It's everything I've been dreaming about and praying for, finally coming true. (And yes, even having warm weather for my birthday for once in my life.)

I doubt this is going to turn into a mommy blog because I just don't think that my pregnancy will be that interesting to anyone except me.  But I will post some of my crazy dreams which are a direct result of the hormones raging through my body.

So my grown up life has begun. It's weird but awesome.

Black Canary

My very dear friend Lara passed away on Wednesday January 4, 2011 at approximately 11:30pm. She died while having open heart surgery to repair her aorta which had torn. Her aorta was weak as a consequence of having Marfan Syndrome. She had open heart surgery once before in 1993 which had been a success. It took her 6 months to recover, but she did it!

I remember the first time I saw Lara. It was in 1999, just after I had started working at a software company in Mississauaga. My life had gone into a tailspin, which resulted in me picking up and moving to Milton, and getting a job through a friend who worked at that company.

Part of my duties were to cover reception. And one day, Lara was walking by. She was tall, like really TALL. I know tall women, but Lara was the tallest woman I'd ever met. Little did I know her height is a characteristic of Marfan Syndrome.

She came up to the reception desk and introduced herself. I thought, "Wow, what a nice person!"  I can't remember how it came to be, but what I know is from the moment we met, we were FRIENDS.

There are many wonderful times she and I shared over the last 12 years. We've gone to concerts, baseball games, bowling nights, lunches, dinners, and each other's wedding.

There aren't enough words in all the languages on earth to describe how much she means to me. So I will just close this post off with a picture of the two of us, taken on the happiest day of her life.

Lara, I will love you forever. I know you are in heaven because you were a true angel on earth. I will see you again one day.