Instincts

I *knew* there was something off about The Welder. I FUCKING KNEW IT.

I logged into PoF when I got home from work on Friday. It was the first time I had checked my messages since we had started seeing each other. There were a lot of messages waiting for me. Most of them were from sketch bags and warranted getting blocked. A few were just general question type. And a couple were asking me out.

So as I'm sitting there trying to write back this one seemingly decent guy to let him know I've started seeing someone, a message comes in from The Welder.

From: The Welder
To: Paprika
Subject: done

all right then Paprika.I give up with you.thought you had a genuine interest in me.Good luck with everything ok.I'm not going to be dating you anymore.

Cheers.

Um, what the fuck just happened here?

I sent him a text asking just that. No response.

I logged into FB to send him a message there. He had already deleted me.

WTF?!?!

I sent him another text asking if we could talk about this. No response.

By this time, I had to get ready for my gig. And boy was I in a baaaaad mood doing that show. Even my band mates were wondering what had happened. Apparently my mood was affecting everyone because a brawl broke out towards the end of the night. Beer bottles were smashed and chairs were thrown. That fight was an accurate reflection of what I wanted to do to The Welder.

Saturday morning, I woke up to a barrage of text messages from The Welder.

How long were you going to string me along Paprika?we were sitting in the park talking and we both came to the same agreement that if you're dating someone you like then you give that person the chance.thought you really liked Me then I find out you are on a hardcore prowl still.I feel kind of betrayed and deceived.I don't know what to believe and didn't want to hear any bullshit last night.I'm really upset and didn't want to say anything I should't.

So I replied.

A hardcore prowl? I have no idea how you would come to that conclusion. And really you're being completely unfair to make assumptions. I haven't been seeing anyone aside from you if that's what you're suggesting.

The Welder: Call me

Paprika: I don't think so. You should have phoned me to talk instead of summarily passing judgement on me and cutting me off at the knees. All I wanted was your reasoning because I fail to see how I did anything wrong.

TW: Fine then.if I,m atracted to someone and seeing them and have a real interest I wouldn't even think of trying to meet someone else.

P: Again I don't know how it is you've come to this conclusion. I wasn't trying to meet anyone else.

TW: Can we talk properly?you'restill messaging back so may as well just talk

P: I'm not taking your call unless you text me what it is you think I was doing.

TW: Why be on pof when seeing me and shwing interest in me?too maybe make sure you have an extra option???you tell me why you're still on there.only one real reason tobe and thats to meet more guys.thats what the site is for right?

P: OH MY GOD. I logged in to clean up my messages. I was actually gonna hide my profile cuz people keep messaging me. Thanks for having zero faith in me. I'm sorry but that is jealous and possessive behavior. Did it once with my crazy ex and promised never again. Please don't message me anymore.

Then my phone started blowing up between him calling and texting me.

TW: Sorry but all I have dealt with is bullshit imature games from every girl i have dated from that damnsite.i can write a book about the bullshit i have gone through from girls there so ya,i'm pretty jaded.same with Chad,he got screwed sooooo many times from girls on there.Can we just talk for a bit.promise to leave you alone after ok.not comunicating properly this way and its not fair

P: You were the one who was unfair yesterday. Nothing you say will change that. Now please leave me alone.

TW: And its not jealous and possesive behavior.just protective and cautious.you know damn well there are alot of liars and players out there Paprika and I seem to atract many of them so I,m a little scared.I,m a good honest guy that stays true to those i care about. Just one talk please so we can both properly understand what happened then peacefully go our own way.I'm not a creep or stalker or anything like that ok.

P: The fact you logged into PoF to check up on me shows me clearly that you already don't trust me based on what OTHER women did. Same song & dance my ex would say. Everyone cheated on him therefore I'll do it too. We talked about this in the park. Said it was unfair. And now you did the same thing to me! Unbelievable!

TW: Please call me,this is silly.just one talk.i think i deserve at least that ok.just hear me out properly

P: No matter how you spin it, it's jealousy. I won't participate in that. I did nothing except delete a bunch of messages. I DESERVED a call yesterday and you didn't do me the courtesy of ASKING before demolishing me. I'm done. DO NOT MESSAGE ME AGAIN.

At that point he started calling me every two minutes for about ten minutes straight. When I wouldn't pick up, he sent these texts.

TW: I only went online yesterday to actualy DELETE my profile.and there you were actually online.sorry if I over reacted but what would you think,maybe this is just another guy trying to use you and play you?i realize you might ask what is goin on but ask you!re self how easy is it for the guy to come up with a lie why he is still online.

TW: Please can you not be so cold about this.I wasn.t trying to be cold to you yesterday,I just felt sincerely hurt.can you grant me just this one mistake?I have never been a jealous or possesive person.I still even have two exes that are still friends and on my facebook.I,ve never really done anything in my past to hurt the girls I was with.

TW: I,m sorry if I over reacted,i'm still a little freshly hurt from the last girl i dated that i told you about but know that has really nothing to do with you.I panicked ok.i think maybe if I didn't like you as much as i do that i woul dhave just shrugged it off and talked to you i just really like you and thought you really felt the same,please lets talk,just once.what can it hurt?

He also left me a voicemail which sent chills down my spine while listening to it. It sounded EXACTLY like my ex-husband. The same tone, same pitch, same words and the same way he was trying to convince me that he isn't a bad guy. I was going to transcribe and post it but after listening to it again a moment ago, it made my tummy hurt. I never want to hear it again so I deleted it. But basically it was a please call me/I'm sorry/forgive me message.

I'm so fucking sick of men using their past to justify not trusting me and treating me like garbage. GET OVER YOURSELF!

I'm never doubting myself again. I know now that my instincts are fine tuned to detecting the same crazy that my ex-husband was so damn good at.

Never again. Never again. Never again.