I Ain't Your Fool

I hate April Fools Day.

Hate. Hate. HATE IT.

I do not like to be tricked, nor do I like to trick people, especially my family and very close friends. I think it's ridiculous that there is a day when it's okay to mind-fuck your friends and family.

My least favourite April Fools Day was in 1986. My father was in a relationship with a horrible woman who moved herself and her daughter into our house. I was forced to share my room and all my stuff with her daughter and forced to call her Mom. I would defiantly call her You're-Not-My-Mom-Mine-Is-Dead.

That morning in 1986, as we were all scurrying around getting ready for school, she and my Dad gathered us into the dining room and sat us down at the table. FYI, that dining room table set belonged to my mother.

"Kids, your Dad and I have some fantastic news! I'm pregnant!!!"

My initial split second reaction was my stomach falling out of my body and into the depths of hell. But a moment later I realized she was totally lying. So I called her out.

"You had a hysterectomy. So you can't be pregnant."

Her eyes widened. Yeah bitch, you didn't count on the fact that for an 11 year old, not only did I know where babies came from, but I was a little genius who lived and breathed science and medicine.

"No! I'm pregnant! It's a miracle!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE LYING!!! WHY ARE YOU LYING TO US ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

I ran crying out of the room. My father thought it was all fucking hilarious.

For the life of me, I still can't figure out why my Dad would ever allow her to try to pull something like that. My Dad has always had a twisted sense of humour, which usually was right in line with what I consider funny. So I suppose I could forgive him for that misstep. (The jury's still out on that by the way.)

My mother had been dead for exactly 2 years, 1 month and 12 days. Didn't either of them stop to think for one second that maybe it was just a bit too soon and completely inappropriate?

IT WAS NOT FUNNY, ASSHOLES.

The only way a trick can work is if the person trusts you. That's why April Fools is so fucked up. You're essentially abusing someone's trust in order to get a cheap laugh.

Think twice today my friends. A seemingly harmless prank could have a negative impact that lasts a lifetime.