Friday, July 30, 2010


I swear I'm being abducted by aliens at night.

Over the last 2 weeks, I wake up with a new bruise in a new spot every few days. They are random and some are painful.

I now have a bruise on my right thigh, the inside of my left thigh, my left butt cheek, my left forearm and my right bicep. (Okay, where a bicep would be if I ever actually did any physical activity.)

I just hope they keep the butt probing to a minimum.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ice Ice Baby

I'm so excited about what I got The Comedian for his birthday, I had to share it with you all.

A Leafs ice bucket set!! It comes with the bucket, 4 glasses, 12 coasters and a bottle opener! How cool is that?! And I got it from Shoppers Drug Mart, so you (Canadians) know what that means - OPTIMUM POINTS! WOOT!

I went to exactly six Shoppers stores before I got my hands on it. One of the stores I went to had every other Canadian team except the Leafs. I even asked if they had more in the back but alas, that store was sold out.

And let me tell you, each store has different branded merchandise, if they have any at all! I was *this* close to buying him a Leafs mouse and mouse pad set because I was starting to think I wouldn't be able to find anything else.

But I persisted and SCORED!

I really hope he likes it.

Um, who am I kidding? He's gonna LOVE IT! :) :) :)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Blue Blood

I spent yesterday evening rocking out to Rock Band with The Comedian. His basement is a full-on man cave, resplendent with Toronto Maple Leafs memorabilia.

We drank rum & coke, ate Doritos (oh sweet Sweet Chili Heat!), and had a lot of good conversations in between rocking and rolling. He was tremendously impressed with my guitar skills on Van Halen's "Jump".

Tucker loved me. Even if I hadn't brought the treats, I think he would still be my bud.

And I think The Comedian likes me too. He invited me to his 41st birthday party in a few weeks. His brother, sister-in-law and best buds will all be there.

I wonder if I should bring a bag of treats for each of them? ;)

At least it won't be hard finding a gift for him. Anything with the Leafs brand or something in the same blue colour (which is the colour of his living room and two bedrooms) will make him happy.

My instincts about him are smiling instead of screaming. The only thing left for me to figure out is if I want to jump his bones. I'm still not sure about that. Which usually is a bad sign for me.

However, I can imagine holding hands with him when I'm 80 and he's 86. Which I suppose is the important thing because one's bone-jumping days usually end a lot sooner than hand-holding days.

Friday, July 23, 2010


The Paramedic stood me up for a lunch date today. He didn't even have the decency (read: balls) to call or text to cancel. He just flat out didn't show up. Geez, I hope he doesn't pull crap like that when someone calls 9-1-1.

I've got another date with The Comedian this weekend. I'm meeting his dog Tucker. I suppose this will be the litmus test. If Tucker approves, then I'm certain The Comedian will start investing some real time in me.

I plan on bribing Tucker with treats. :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Tears for Fears

I think I need to get my tear ducts removed because I just can't stop bursting into tears for seemingly no reason.

I suppose last night's blub fest was in some part due to the fact I'd had two beers and three JD & Cokes for "dinner".

I went to see Rock of Ages for the third time with a good friend of mine. And being a huge theatre fan like me, it wasn't hard to convince her that we needed to go to the stage door after the show and try our luck in getting pictures and/or autographs from the cast.

We're standing there chatting about how much we liked the show and which scenes were totally awesome, when all of a sudden I started crying.

"What's wrong Paprika?"

"I want to be on that stage."

"Oh you will one day!"

"I'm just a big idiot. I really don't know why I'm here sometimes."


"On earth. Alive. Breathing."

Then she started to get all misty eyed. Which made me cry even harder. I sobbed into her shoulder for a few minutes and managed to pull it together just before the actor who plays the role of Lonny came out.

I called him over, congratulated him on a good show and asked if he would take a photo. He obliged. I snapped a photo of him and my friend and thanked him for his time.

As he was walking away, the tears started to squeeze themselves out again.


What the hell is wrong with me?

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Old Ball Game

After the fiasco that was The Welder, my future-sister-in-law scoured her Facebook friends to find me some potentials.

She sent me a list of names and I took a look at each fella. Only one really struck my fancy.

He's 40 years old, owns his own home, works for a charity by day, and is a comedian/radio host/local Niagara TV personality in his spare time.

It doesn't surprise me that I naturally gravitated towards the one guy who is involved with the entertainment industry.

FSIL sent him a message asking if he is still single and if he'd be interested in meeting me. The answer was yes on both counts. :)

Shortly thereafter, he sent me a FB friend request which I happily accepted. We exchanged a few messages and made arrangements to meet for drinks on Saturday afternoon as I was going to be in Niagara for the weekend.

We met up at a Boston Pizza in St. Catharines. We each had a beer and talked. I found out he lived in Los Angeles for three years. He had saved up money and then packed up his car and drove out there with his brother to try to "make it". I also learned he has a dog named Tucker, has only flown one time in his life and is friends with Pauly Shore (who apparently is certifiable).

There were only a few moments of awkward silence. But for the most part the conversation flowed well.

As we were leaving, he told me he'd like to see me again. He got all shy and awkwardly told me that he's tried online dating but has met a lot of "strange women". I laughed and told him I'd had a similar experience.

I mentioned that a bunch of us were going over to Buffalo the next day to catch a baseball game. If he had a passport, he was more than welcome to join us. He told me he'd let me know.

A few hours later I got a text from him saying he was in for the game! Yay!

He arrived at my Dad's about 15 minutes before my brother and FSIL did. We were all going in one vehicle, and FSIL graciously offered hers. It was a bit awkward standing at the end of the driveway waiting, but there was no way I was going to invite him in with my Dad being home. And I mistakenly told my Dad about The Comedian coming to the game and my Dad's face lit up like a kid at Christmas. Seriously, you'd think I told him I'd gotten engaged instead of going on a second date. (But it was nice to see my Dad so happy.)

In total, there were 7 of us going to the game. We met up with the others at the ticket gate. We ended up all sitting in a single row together in seats that were very close to the field. But also directly in the blazing sun. After about half an hour, I'd had enough and asked The Comedian if he'd like to find seats a little further back in the shade.

We talked through most of the game. He bought me some Crackerjacks. We made a running commentary on the strangers walking past us. It was nice hanging out, enjoying the shaded sunshine and riffing on people.

At the bottom of the eighth inning, I made the executive decision to rejoin the rest of the gang in our original seats. By this time, clouds had moved in and the sun wasn't as intense as before.

We settled into our seats with gang to enjoy the final inning of the game. Just before the top of the ninth, they put up the "Kiss Cam" on the Jumbotron. It was sponsored by a local dentist and basically it was expected the couples shown on screen would kiss.

Do I even need to say what happened next? I'm sure you've figured it out because it's basically straight out of a movie.

I'm sitting there enjoying the love fest that is the Jumbotron when all of a sudden I think, "Hey, that girl is wearing the same shirt as me!" Um yeah. The reason is because that girl was ME! And coupled in the shot with me was The Comedian who was quickly turning the same colour as the eventual sunburn on my knees. (Yes, my knees were the sole victims in yesterday's outing.)

I put my face into my hands and then peeked through my fingers. We were still on camera.

At this point, everyone we were with started HOWLING their heads off and screaming "KISS HER!" The Comedian turned another shade of crimson. I looked up and started waving NO with my hands. The camera guy was STILL on us.

It felt like 10 minutes before they finally gave up and moved onto the next couple eager to exchange spit in a public forum.

For the entire ninth inning, my focus was squarely on the game. (In case any of you care, the Bisons won 2-1.)

We went for pizza & wings at The Anchor Bar afterwards and FSIL brought up the Kiss Cam again. Oh I'm gonna get her back when she and my bro finally tie the knot and I'm making the proud sister speech. :P

We made it back across the border and The Comedian gave me a hug before he headed home. He asked me when I'd be back down in the area. I told him I'd check my schedule and check back in with him later in the week.

So far, he doesn't scare me. My gut isn't screaming "run away" the way it did with The Welder. I'm happy about that. I get a very strong sense of calm from The Comedian. However I am concerned that he may not have enough of a backbone for me. When I sense weakness in a man, I tend to want to crush him. It's horrible I know, but that's my first instinct.

I guess I'd better learn to play nice if I want this to go somewhere. I just hope it doesn't go to Crazytown the way it went with The Welder.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Things That Make Me Cry Part II

* The old blind man I helped across the street last night as I was leaving my dance class.

* My Dad bailing me out by emailing me money because I don't get paid at the new job until next week.

* The picture of me and my Mom sitting in front of the TV with Lawrence Welk clearly visible on the big old picture tube.

* My brother & sister-in-law, sitting on pins and needles waiting for a test result that is going to change their lives in ways we haven't really begun to comprehend.

Crying in my cubicle during my third week of work is probably not the impression I want to leave on my coworkers. But I just can't seem to pull it together this morning. The tears are pouring out of my head and I was hoping by blogging, I could concentrate on typing these words, which would distract me long enough to stop blubbering.

No such luck.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Emergency Services

I've got a date with a Firefighter tonight, and a date with a Paramedic on Friday.

Suck on that Welder!


Monday, July 12, 2010


I *knew* there was something off about The Welder. I FUCKING KNEW IT.

I logged into PoF when I got home from work on Friday. It was the first time I had checked my messages since we had started seeing each other. There were a lot of messages waiting for me. Most of them were from sketch bags and warranted getting blocked. A few were just general question type. And a couple were asking me out.

So as I'm sitting there trying to write back this one seemingly decent guy to let him know I've started seeing someone, a message comes in from The Welder.

From: The Welder
To: Paprika
Subject: done

all right then Paprika.I give up with you.thought you had a genuine interest in me.Good luck with everything ok.I'm not going to be dating you anymore.


Um, what the fuck just happened here?

I sent him a text asking just that. No response.

I logged into FB to send him a message there. He had already deleted me.


I sent him another text asking if we could talk about this. No response.

By this time, I had to get ready for my gig. And boy was I in a baaaaad mood doing that show. Even my band mates were wondering what had happened. Apparently my mood was affecting everyone because a brawl broke out towards the end of the night. Beer bottles were smashed and chairs were thrown. That fight was an accurate reflection of what I wanted to do to The Welder.

Saturday morning, I woke up to a barrage of text messages from The Welder.

How long were you going to string me along Paprika?we were sitting in the park talking and we both came to the same agreement that if you're dating someone you like then you give that person the chance.thought you really liked Me then I find out you are on a hardcore prowl still.I feel kind of betrayed and deceived.I don't know what to believe and didn't want to hear any bullshit last night.I'm really upset and didn't want to say anything I should't.

So I replied.

A hardcore prowl? I have no idea how you would come to that conclusion. And really you're being completely unfair to make assumptions. I haven't been seeing anyone aside from you if that's what you're suggesting.

The Welder: Call me

Paprika: I don't think so. You should have phoned me to talk instead of summarily passing judgement on me and cutting me off at the knees. All I wanted was your reasoning because I fail to see how I did anything wrong.

TW: Fine then.if I,m atracted to someone and seeing them and have a real interest I wouldn't even think of trying to meet someone else.

P: Again I don't know how it is you've come to this conclusion. I wasn't trying to meet anyone else.

TW: Can we talk properly?you'restill messaging back so may as well just talk

P: I'm not taking your call unless you text me what it is you think I was doing.

TW: Why be on pof when seeing me and shwing interest in me?too maybe make sure you have an extra option???you tell me why you're still on there.only one real reason tobe and thats to meet more guys.thats what the site is for right?

P: OH MY GOD. I logged in to clean up my messages. I was actually gonna hide my profile cuz people keep messaging me. Thanks for having zero faith in me. I'm sorry but that is jealous and possessive behavior. Did it once with my crazy ex and promised never again. Please don't message me anymore.

Then my phone started blowing up between him calling and texting me.

TW: Sorry but all I have dealt with is bullshit imature games from every girl i have dated from that damnsite.i can write a book about the bullshit i have gone through from girls there so ya,i'm pretty jaded.same with Chad,he got screwed sooooo many times from girls on there.Can we just talk for a bit.promise to leave you alone after ok.not comunicating properly this way and its not fair

P: You were the one who was unfair yesterday. Nothing you say will change that. Now please leave me alone.

TW: And its not jealous and possesive behavior.just protective and know damn well there are alot of liars and players out there Paprika and I seem to atract many of them so I,m a little scared.I,m a good honest guy that stays true to those i care about. Just one talk please so we can both properly understand what happened then peacefully go our own way.I'm not a creep or stalker or anything like that ok.

P: The fact you logged into PoF to check up on me shows me clearly that you already don't trust me based on what OTHER women did. Same song & dance my ex would say. Everyone cheated on him therefore I'll do it too. We talked about this in the park. Said it was unfair. And now you did the same thing to me! Unbelievable!

TW: Please call me,this is silly.just one talk.i think i deserve at least that ok.just hear me out properly

P: No matter how you spin it, it's jealousy. I won't participate in that. I did nothing except delete a bunch of messages. I DESERVED a call yesterday and you didn't do me the courtesy of ASKING before demolishing me. I'm done. DO NOT MESSAGE ME AGAIN.

At that point he started calling me every two minutes for about ten minutes straight. When I wouldn't pick up, he sent these texts.

TW: I only went online yesterday to actualy DELETE my profile.and there you were actually online.sorry if I over reacted but what would you think,maybe this is just another guy trying to use you and play you?i realize you might ask what is goin on but ask you!re self how easy is it for the guy to come up with a lie why he is still online.

TW: Please can you not be so cold about this.I wasn.t trying to be cold to you yesterday,I just felt sincerely hurt.can you grant me just this one mistake?I have never been a jealous or possesive person.I still even have two exes that are still friends and on my facebook.I,ve never really done anything in my past to hurt the girls I was with.

TW: I,m sorry if I over reacted,i'm still a little freshly hurt from the last girl i dated that i told you about but know that has really nothing to do with you.I panicked ok.i think maybe if I didn't like you as much as i do that i woul dhave just shrugged it off and talked to you i just really like you and thought you really felt the same,please lets talk,just once.what can it hurt?

He also left me a voicemail which sent chills down my spine while listening to it. It sounded EXACTLY like my ex-husband. The same tone, same pitch, same words and the same way he was trying to convince me that he isn't a bad guy. I was going to transcribe and post it but after listening to it again a moment ago, it made my tummy hurt. I never want to hear it again so I deleted it. But basically it was a please call me/I'm sorry/forgive me message.

I'm so fucking sick of men using their past to justify not trusting me and treating me like garbage. GET OVER YOURSELF!

I'm never doubting myself again. I know now that my instincts are fine tuned to detecting the same crazy that my ex-husband was so damn good at.

Never again. Never again. Never again.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Jesus has an iPod

I got onto the subway last night to go meet up with E, the receptionist at my dance school. As I boarded the train, I saw a heavenly vision.

It was Jesus Christ himself. He had blue eyes, long flowing hair, a full beard, was tanned and wearing a white tunic top.

Definitely the hottest guy I've ever seen. Oh. My. God.

I took a seat beside him, to bask in his glory.

I noticed he had tattoos running down his right arm. It looked like grape vines winding around and around. I snuck a peak at his chest which was hairy and tattooed as well. (For those of you don't know me, hairy chests are a huge turn on for me.)

Then I noticed a teeny, tiny iPod in his left hand.

I wonder if he was listening to The Messiah?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Forging On

I met a guy from PoF two weeks ago. He's a welder and a cycling enthusiast. In fact, he's so enthusiastic, he cycles to and from work every day. The round trip is 80KM!

We had our first date at a local pub. Nachos and beer and 4 hours of conversation.

Our second date was a solo improvised piano performance by a friend of mine, followed by nachos and beer at the local Jack Astor's down the street from the venue.

Our third date was karaoke, with nachos and beer. He gave me an Elvis key chain that night.

Our fourth date was sitting in the park, sipping on iced coffees from Starbucks and 3 hours of conversation.

Last night, was a screening of The A-Team and another gift from him - assorted bulk candy and an Elvis Heartbreak Hotel lip balm.

After the film was over, I made a beeline for the subway. I could tell he was disappointed and wanted to hang out with me more. But I was a bit spooked by a minor outburst at the start of the film. The guy behind him kept kicking his seat. The first time he turned around and politely asked the dude to stop. The second time he whipped around and very LOUDLY told the dude to QUIT KICKING THE SEAT. I suggested we move over, which we did. I'm all for telling someone to stop being annoying, however I'm not about to make everyone else around me uncomfortable while doing it.

He's really cute, and he's funny and he seems nice. Yet there is something in my gut screaming RUN AWAY. I guess that outburst reminded me of my ex-husband, which of course totally freaked me out. But I have to keep telling myself The Welder is not The Ex.

We haven't kissed yet. We haven't even held hands yet. It's not because I don't think he's cute, because the first night we met, I envisioned myself jumping across the table and making out with his face. But I like that things are still innocent for the time being.

This is new territory for me. It's really strange just letting things go and seeing where they take me.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Holy Crap

Taking a look at that last post feels like I wrote it a lifetime ago, rather than just a week ago!

Just after arriving home from my Staycation, my car breathed its last breath. She went out in a blaze of glory as I was backing her into my parking spot. A ton of white smoke came up from the hood and bunch of green fluid came gushing out from under her. There was a lot of rattling and shaking and at one point, I was convinced I was going to have to make a run for it Diehard style. I suppose it was a sigh of relief after the 949KM round trip journey to Cleveland.

Jelly's husband is a mechanic and advised me against sinking any more money into the landboat. So my Dad lent me the money to buy a used, but solid 2001 Cavalier. I've named her Silver. Because she's silver. (Original no, cute yes.)

G20 took over the city. It was the scariest thing I've ever witnessed since moving to Toronto over 10 years ago. I just have to say this to all the violent protesters: FUCK YOU, and your little dogs too. Way to destroy shit. Way to be assholes. Way to lose any credibility for your cause.

And a hearty GO SUCK A BIG HAIRY MOOSE COCK to the police officers who abused their power and decimated the rights of innocent civilians. If you want a good stomach-turning read, click here and here and here. The third story particularly hits close to home given that I am hard of hearing and will eventually become deaf.

I started my new job in the aftermath of G20. The office is on Yonge Street where most of the vandalism occurred. I was so sad walking down the street Monday morning to see all the nearby businesses boarded up. Going to Tim Hortons was like crossing into a war zone. All the windows had been smashed out and in their place, huge pieces of wood had been nailed in. They had to hang signs on the outside which indicated they were in fact open and not still under siege. It kind of reminded me of one scene in "Clerks" where Dante hung a sign outside the Quik-Stop which said, "I assure you, we're open". Only I wasn't laughing at this instance of life imitating art.

My cubicle is in the HR department (IT is full at the moment) next to a window over looking a construction site. I love it, construction site and all. I've personalized my space with three items - a framed photo of me and my Mom circa 1979, a stainless steel water bottle and a cell phone holder that looks like a little arm chair. I was told I'd be moving as soon as a space opens up in IT. I'm hoping it doesn't because I like having natural sunlight.

Other than that, I've got nothing else to report about it. I haven't done any real work. I went around and offered my help to the other admins but no one took me up on the offer. Everyone kept telling me they wanted me to get settled in before they start giving me stuff to do. I assure you, I'm settled. It took me all of five minutes to get settled. I guess this is the slower pace that the government operates at. I'm gonna have to turn everything down several notches in order to fit in and not scare people.

I had a gig last night with my band and a shoot on an indie film this morning. Singing my heart out and then getting only 5 hours of sleep makes for a sleepy performance. I did four takes of three lines.

In my defence however, the picture is being directed by two guys and there was an overzealous producer who was also throwing in her two cents about how my lines should be delivered. I gave the performance they directed me to give. If there's one thing I'm damn sure of it's that I take direction very well. I don't do anything the director doesn't tell me to do. If they say go nuts and do your own take on the character, then certainly I will do that. But this morning I was first given nothing, and then given very different direction from each person. The fourth take seemed to be the one they all agreed on.

And now kind bloggers, I am going to take a nap.