Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I May Actually Be Blonde - Part II

Seeing as I moved all my furniture on Saturday, I had nothing left to sleep on at the apartment. So The Comedian and I took a trip to Canadian Tire and purchased an inflatable mattress.

I didn't get back from St. Catharines until yesterday morning. I had to get up at 5:30am, leave by 5:50am in order to get into Toronto by 7:30am, and still have enough time to shower and head in to work.

So by the time I got home from work yesterday, my brain was pretty much a puddle of mush.

I pulled the air mattress out of the box and read the instructions - twice.

I started pumping the foot pump vigorously.

Pump, pump, pump....

The mattress was starting to fill slowly but it looked like it wasn't getting much bigger.

Pump, pump, pump....

Twenty minutes later, I started to think perhaps there was a hole in my brand new mattress. So I stopped pumping and started to look for the hole.

I found the hole right away. It was the large release valve on the side which was uncapped.


I screwed on the cap and 10 seconds later the mattress was inflated.

I suck. (However, I will use sheer exhaustion in my defense.)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Best Day Ever!

We moved all my stuff down to The Comedian's place on Saturday and after unloading the truck, we ordered pizza for all the helpers. We sat around drinking, eating and laughing (thank goodness there was laughter after all that moving) and at around 6:30pm, our guests headed home.

I was all ready to start unpacking and organizing when The Comedian told me he received a text from his best friend saying he and his wife were going to drop by the house with a card to congratulate us on the move. I thought that was very nice and so I put down the box I had started attacking and headed to the couch.

The Comedian then suggested that he greet his buddy in the Elvis jumpsuit he'd worn for Halloween. "He didn't get a chance to see me in the suit." I thought that would be hilarious and awesome for him to answer the door as Elvis.

So I hung out in the bedroom as he was getting changed. I asked him if he'd like me to do up his hair like I did for Halloween. "No, it's okay. It's too short now anyway."

We headed back to the living room and he started to describe how he would like to sing an Elvis song to me at our wedding reception. We'd discussed this idea before but this time he went into more detail.

"Depending on where we have the reception, I hope the stage would have a curtain because I want to come out from behind it in my suit."

He dropped an Elvis CD into the stereo, cued up "Can't Help Falling in Love" and then went in behind the drapes that hang in the window in the living room.

He popped out as the song began and I started to laugh. It was so cute!

He was singing along to the song and doing a little performance for me. He took my hand and we started to dance in the living room. The whole time I'm thinking we're just filling time waiting for his friends to arrive.

Near the end of the song, he twirled me around to face the Christmas tree. And at the end of the song, he took the red scarf he was wearing and draped it around my neck, and then he dropped down to one knee. I'm still thinking "awww, he's so adorable".

While he was still holding my hand, he twisted around and was fiddling with something under the tree.

"What are you doing honey?"

He turned back around with a white box in his hand.

"Will you marry me?"

He opened the box and there was the ring!

At this point my brain turned off and the tears started pouring out of my head. I am not really sure what happened after that. I think I said, "Sure!" and he put the ring on my finger. I just kept crying and laughing and hugging and kissing him. I remember saying, "Thank you" a lot! LOL

I think it took me close to a half hour before I calmed down enough to stop crying. And then I remembered that I should probably call my Dad and my brothers. Dad answered on the first ring - he was absolutely thrilled with the news. My brothers did not answer, but I did get a text from Nugget a little later asking what was up. So I phoned him with the news, and of course he & my soon-to-be-sister-in-law, aka the woman responsible for everything were both very happy. I still have yet to talk to my other brother and sis-in-law, but I left it as a voicemail for them.

After phoning a few other people, we popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate!

I have to thank The Comedian for making me the happiest girl in the world. And he turned what was a very stressful and emotional day for me into the best day ever! It was absolutely the most perfect proposal and it will be a moment I will always treasure! I can't wait to tell this story to our kids!

Looking back on everything I've been through over the last four years, I can hardly believe this is even happening to me. I never thought I could be so happy. I never thought I could meet the man who is truly my soul mate.

I will wake up every morning for the rest of my life and thank everything that is good, for having him and having the chance to finally live the life I've only dreamed of.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Pack Rat

I. Have. Too. Much. Stuff.

I don't know how the hell it fits in 525 sq.ft. but it does. I have TONS and TONS of stuuuuuuuuufffffffffffff.

I am a known pack rat. This stems directly from the fact that I have only a handful of items that belonged to my mother. So my brain twisted that into me not being able to throw anything away.

If I were to die tomorrow, the person stuck going through all my shit would know exactly who I was, where I've been, who my friends were, what televisions shows I watched and pretty much everything else under the sun that makes up the mosaic that is Paprika Spice.

As I've been packing, I really have tried to throw stuff away. And I just can't bear to do it.

I've got a ton of magazine articles, posters and pictures on a lot of my favourite celebrities, films and television shows. I have stuff from grade school, high school and university. I have pictures of myself and my family from years gone by. I have keepsakes and ornaments and memorabilia.

And all of it is totally awesome!!!

Gaaaaaaaaahhhhh........ I should get back to packing now. :P

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I have a massive wood hutch that is part of the dining room set that belonged to my mother. The table and chairs are at my Dad's house.

The hutch is the guardian of my keepsakes, many from childhood.

I am in the process of packing, so I have to empty the beast of my treasures before The Comedian and his brother-in-law come to move it on Saturday.

Of course I've been stopping to look through some of the stuff.

Bad move.

Note to self: Stop looking at this stuff because you will lose your fucking mind.

I found the proofs for my high school graduation photos (I never ordered any as we couldn't afford them), my acceptance letter to university along with a scholarship letter for $1,400 (that was a lot back in 1994) and a Christmas card from 1984, the year my mom passed away.

The Christmas card was from my Grade 3 teacher from Malta. We had gone there because my mother wanted to die surrounded by her family. That teacher knew the situation and took it upon herself to look after me and make sure I was doing okay at school.

She was kind enough to send me a card after we had come back to Canada, which was about six months later.

I don't think I ever wrote her back. But I was nine years old, and I had just lost my mother. I suppose my teacher would have understood.

That card has set off a waterfall of tears. I've been bawling my eyes out for the last half an hour. I decided to stop and blog because I needed something to distract me long enough so I can calm down.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Is It Me?

I went to dinner last night with my friend Shylah and she was feeling super queasy. So we left the restaurant before she blew chunks.

Today I attended a performance of Priscilla Queen of the Desert with my friend Marie. She felt super queasy and had to leave at intermission.

Why are my friends wanting to barf when I'm around?

I hope they both feel better soon!!

(And I really hope I don't get it!)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Release Me

This afternoon, The Comedian and I met with his cousin, The Monsignor. We started the paperwork to get ourselves married in the Catholic Church. Which means the Church has to officially release me from my first marriage. I'm lucky in that I wasn't married in the Church, otherwise I'd have to go through the annulment process which is apparently way worse than being simply released.

Although this is supposedly simple, I wish I had known exactly what was about to transpire so I could have been better prepared emotionally.

For about an hour, it felt like I was being interrogated by the FBI on behalf of God. I had to answer all sorts of questions about my first marriage, my ex, his family and their religious participation (or lack thereof). It really really SUCKED that my stupid ex is all over my petition to the Church.

At one point, I just about started bawling. The Monsignor had asked, "Why did you get married in Las Vegas?"

Seriously? Are all those details actually necessary? Shouldn't God know all this?

I sheepishly answered, "I love Elvis, and I wanted to get married by Elvis." I managed to keep the tears from squeezing themselves out of my eyeballs. He didn't flinch and wrote my answer down word for word.

I was about two seconds from calling the whole thing off when The Monsignor changed his line of fire to target The Comedian. Because he's never been married before, he answered a grand total of four questions - name, parents names, faith and intended date of ceremony. Gah. That'll teach me to have a previous marriage.

We signed and dated the papers. And at that moment, it struck me that today would have been my Mom's 72nd birthday.

She most definitely has her hand in this union.

With that, The Monsignor told us to come back in a few months to pick out the readings and the music for the ceremony. He put our wedding date into his calendar and that was that.

I cried all the way home in the car. The Comedian didn't really know what to do, which was fine. I just needed to bawl about the fact that my past transgressions are now on my permanent record with God.

Forgive me Father, for I was naive. I promise I won't be stupid again.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I May Actually Be Blonde

Just hand me the "Dumbest Move of 2010" award right now.

In the morning, it's never a straight line for me from waking up to leaving for work. It's always been a challenge for me to stay focused on getting ready. There are so many more fun things to be doing instead of showering, getting dressed and eating breakfast.

So yesterday morning was another such frenetic one. I was doing everything but getting ready.

I looked at the time and saw it was about 5 minutes until I had to be stepping out the door and I was still sitting there in my bathrobe.

I jumped up, whipped my bathrobe off and threw it on the couch. I ran into my bedroom, threw on some clothes and then headed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then I ran back and grabbed my bathrobe and hung in on the back of the bathroom door.

I got my coat and shoes on, picked up my purse and had just step out of the door when I suddenly realized I didn't have my keys.

Well this isn't anything new. There's been a million times I've physically stepped outside my apartment without keys in hand. But I always take that moment to pause and check before letting the door shut and lock.

I checked the usual pocket for my keys and they weren't there.

Then I checked my coat pocket. Not there.

Then I went back inside and check on the couch, which is where they usually land after coming home and chucking them.

Not. There.

Okay, now I was a little panicked but again, this wasn't unusual as sometimes they fall off the couch or the cat gets at them.

I got down on my hands and knees to look under the couch.


And this is the part where I pulled off my coat and proceeded to rip apart my apartment.

They were 100000000% NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!!

I messaged my coworker and asked to her let my boss know the situation and that I was going to be late for work.

I tried thinking about what I had done with them after unlocking my door. I remember noticing a piece of paper under my door and becoming distracted by.

Maybe I had left them in the doorknob?

I had done this once before in the building before moving here. The neighbours across the hall grabbed them and gave them to my super.

So I called my super to see if maybe this was the case.



I had to get a hold of her to figure out if a) she had my keys and b) if not, to get the spare set off her.

Half an hour later, she was at my door with the spare set. No one had turned in my keys.


I spent the whole day at work being miserable and worried that my crazy neighbour across the hall snagged them and would be waiting for me in my bed when I arrived home after work.

Turns out he wasn't waiting for me, but my super was with the new keys. She changed my locks so that I would have some peace of mind.

She handed me the shiny new key to match my shiny new deadbolt and shiny new doorknob (They really are shiiiiiiiiiny!). I thanked her and apologized for the ruckus of the morning and the trouble of having to change the locks.

I shut and locked the front door behind her and then went into the bathroom.

I shut the bathroom door and sat down on the toilet, which faces the door.

And then a miracle happened.

My keys were suddenly dangling before my very eyes.

They somehow had managed to wrap themselves around the belt of my bathrobe, hidden by the sleeve. I didn't notice the keys when I had hung my bathrobe back up. The keys had been hanging there all day!!!!


I finished my business and then phoned my super to let her know I'd found them.

I don't think I've heard her laugh that hard in the 4 years I've been living here.


Friday, November 12, 2010

Another Sister

Last night, my little brother Nugget phoned me with the fantastic news that he proposed to his girlfriend!!!

YAY!!!! I'm getting another sister!!!! :D

And here is the mammoth 1.5 carat diamond ring my brother presented her with. She is a huge fan of blue diamonds. All I can say is WOW.

Looks like Summer 2011 may be a really busy one for my family!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

For The Fallen

I will never forget the fallen. Their sacrifice gave me freedom.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Cultural Divide

Pretty much every Tim Hortons I've been to in the city of Toronto has their front line workers made up of predominantly Asian people, more specifically Filipinos.

I go to a new Tim's now that my office has moved from one side of the core to the other. I've noticed something that while not glaringly obvious, does exist and quite frankly shocks me.

Being a really busy location, they have two lines serviced by three workers each. One is on the cash, and two are fulfilling the beverage order.

And what struck me was that one line had three Caucasian workers, and the other line had three Asian workers. I see the same set of workers grouped together every single morning.

I also noticed that more Caucasians lined up to be served by the Caucasian workers even when the line up to the Asian workers was shorter.

People's prejudices are plain as day.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Band Betrayal

I'm really fucking mad at my bass player.

A month ago, I emailed him and the rest of my band to let them know of a contest the LCBO was running. Entitled "Whisky Soul", they were looking for people to reinterpret a song written by Matt York. Prizes include studio time, a PR person to work with your band, and booze.

My email had the subject line "I WANNA DO THIS!" and I went on to say how totally awesome this would be and that I really, really, REALLY wanted to take a crack at it. My bass player emailed back and said, "Awesome, let's do it".

And then I heard nothing else from him or the rest of the band.

I was at dinner last week with Beaner when my cell phone rang. It was my bass player.

BP: Don't call me a traitor.

P: Okay I won't. Why?

BP: Well, me and *another singer and another band* put up a video for the whisky contest.

P: (silence)

BP: You're gonna vote for us right?

P: No I'm not going to vote for you, TRAITOR.

Now it's no secret that the guys in my band are also in other bands. We've had many a-gig we've had to decline because someone had been booked the same night with another band. That's never bothered me.


He didn't even know about the contest until I told him. And he knew how much I wanted to do it.

What this tells me is a) he clearly doesn't give a shit about my feelings, b) he likes the other singer and band better and c) he's a fucking asshole.

He and I have had minor disagreements over the four years we've been in the band together. But this takes the fucking cake.

I'm so pissed right now I don't even know how I'm going to perform on Friday without kicking a hole into his stand-up bass.

For those of you who know me in real life, if he comes sniffing around asking for votes, please tell him to eat shit on my behalf.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Help From Above

The Comedian and I are going to be married by his cousin, in the largest cathedral in St. Catharines.

This cathedral also happens to be the one I was baptized in, and the one my family regularly attended before my Mom passed away.

I really think my Mom had something to do with aligning the stars for The Comedian and me to meet.

And I'm pretty sure she's really happy about where we'll be tying the knot.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Twisty Tie Engagement

The Comedian and I went shopping a few weeks ago for *the* ring. Here's what I picked out:
And since then, I've been bugging him about when I'm getting it. I'd like to have it sooner rather than later because a) it's PRETTY and b) we're moving in together.

He really wants to surprise me with it. And I'm like, why bother? I know what I'm getting because I picked it out.

I know I should be a little more romantic about it, seeing as this is his first marriage. And I've been there, done that.

However, I've never been known to be a patient person. So I've been working the ring into any of our conversations. For example:

Comedian: It's a really nice day out.

Paprika: Yes it is. But you know what would make it even nicer?

Comedian: What?

Paprika: My engagement ring. It would sparkle so nicely in the sunlight.

But instead of getting exasperated, he thinks I'm funny! Another reason why he's the perfect guy for me.

So this past Saturday, he presented me with a place holder.

So cute eh?! I've been wearing it every day and believe it or not, people actually ask about it. So I tell them it's the place holder until the real one arrives. Everyone loves it!

And honestly, if this is the only ring I get, I will wear it proudly. As pretty as jewelery is, I love him so much more.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Why Can't He Just Disappear?

I got a message from a friend of mine via Facebook. He told me that received a LinkedIn request from my ex-husband.

"I'm actually at a loss for words."

Yeah, me too.

So of course, I logged into LinkedIn and trolled his "professional" page.

I want to fucking scream. Everything on there was taken from the resume I did for him. This takes me right back to here.

Why is it that after almost 4 years of being separated, he's STILL popping up?

FUCK OFF AND DIE WILL YOU?!?! Okay, maybe not die, seeing as he has three children. And as much of a dick as he is, I would never wish those kids to be without their father.


Why, why, WHY can't he just stay the hell out of my life?