Tuesday, April 24, 2012

So Much For That

I seem to have some sort of reverse perfect timing syndrome, in that some catastrophy manages to occur when it is least wanted or needed.

The Comedian and I went to NYC this past weekend for one last hurrah before the baby arrives. Two days before departure, he got sick with a cold courtesy of his coworker. One day before departure, I joined him in his misery.

We had to get up at 4am to get ready and drive to the airport to catch our 8am flight. 4am is not fun, not even a little bit. Even with the promise of being in my favourite city a few hours later, I was not a happy camper. Oh, and did I mention it was pouring rain?

We managed to get through security in a timely fashion and went to our gate. Our plane was sitting there getting fueled up and bags loaded. At about one hour to departure, an annoucement was made that our flight would be delayed because our pilot was still in NYC.

Great. Awesome. Perfect.

That bit of news didn't help The Comedian's anxiety levels. He's only ever flown once about 15 years ago, to and from LA. So now he had another hour to stew over all the things that can possibly go wrong. I don't think I was being my supportive best when I told him to "suck it up, Buttercup" after he told me another one of his why-the-plane-will-go-down scenarios. And, we also had a friend meeting us at the airport who went in on the flight ahead of us. So she got screwed over too.

When our pilot finally arrived, and we finally got moving, I was utterly exhausted. All I wanted to do was nap on the flight. But we ended up sitting next to a very nice, but very chatty lady named Lizzie. She yakked our ears off the whole way there. And since I was in the middle seat, I couldn't exactly fall asleep while she told us all about her two grown daughters, how she recently retired from running a daycare in her home for the last 18 years, her planned family trip to Italy in June and how she gets REALLY NERVOUS flying. She really was very lovely, but I just wanted to sleeeeeeeep.

NYC turned out to be overcast but dry when we touched down so that gave me a little hope that we wouldn't be stuck inside all day. We made our way to the hotel via cab, checked in and then made our way to meet with some friends for lunch at S'MAC in the East Village.
The plan was to meet at Bleecker subway station at 12:30pm. We got there at half past on the dot and waited on the sidewalk. And waited...and waited...and looked at every person coming up from the subway....for an HOUR. We finally gave up and made our way to S'MAC.

Eventually our friends showed up. By the time we all finished eating and walked back to the subway, I was pooped. The plan was to go back to the hotel and rest for a little bit before hitting Central Park.

You know, inertia is a very powerful force. We ended up staying at the hotel for a few hours and skipped Central Park because I just couldn't peel myself off the bed. But do you know what's more powerful than inertia? The promise of the best cupcakes ever.

Sprinkles lived up to that promise. While I was devouring their red velvet cupcake, I thought back to all the times when I thought I was having the best cupcake ever, and this cupcake kicked the crap out of those memories. This was indeed, the best cupcake I have ever had in my whole life!

And inertia applied itself even harder than at the hotel because before we knew it, it was time to head to the Neil Simon Theatre to catch a performance of Jesus Christ Superstar.

I'm really glad JCS is a loud rock opera because I would have been thrown out of the theatre for disrupting the show with my constant nose-blowing and coughing. I believe I went through an entire box of kleenex (which I brought along from the hotel room) during the 2 hour performance.

Somewhere in there, I did manage to contain my snot long enough to see my friend have his moment to shine in the spotlight. He completely demolished his song!!! I was punching The Comedian in the leg I was so freaking proud!! I wish I had the words to accurately describe his performance but believe me (and I'm a super tough critic), he was total AMAZEBALLS!

We caught up with him after the show at a greasy spoon diner across the street from the theatre. I asked him a million questions about what it's like to live out the Broadway dream. He was telling us all about rehearsals, how well the cast gets along, how they may get nominated for a Tony, how he's adjusting to living in NYC and suddenly, I hit the proverbial brick wall.

It was midnight, which was also the 20th hour of being awake. Oh, and it started pouring so hard it looked like a fucking monsoon hit midtown Manhattan.

We went outside to hail a cab and people, let me tell you, YOU CANNOT FIND A CAB WHEN IT RAINS. In a city where the cab to person ratio is like 3:1, there wasn't a SINGLE one to be found. After about 30 minutes of standing in the rain like idiots (I stood in a phone booth like an idiot), we walked over to a nearby Marriott and begged the concierge there to phone us a cab.

By the time we got back to our hotel, it was almost 1am and I was almost dead. But instead of being able to collapse into a coma-like sleep, both The Comedian and I were up all night coughing and blowing our noses.

The next day wasn't any better. I was cranky and tired and we fought when he wanted to go to the NBC Store and I wanted to get something to eat. It was still pouring rain so no hopes of a quick tour around Central Park. We chalked it up to shitty timing and headed to the airport sooner rather than later.

But no trip to NYC would be complete without a terrifying cab ride. Our driver was busy chatting on his phone while our cab was flying at warp speed, cutting off everyone in our path and damn near slamming into a truck in front of us. And The Comedian is afraid of flying?!

And our flight home was delayed an hour. Only this time we had the pleasure of being stuck on the runway, waiting for clearance to depart. And believe it or not, our friend Lizzie was on board again. It's a small (rainy, germ infested) world afterall....

Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday the 13th Horrors

I've never believed that Friday the 13th is unlucky, until now.

I woke up this morning and found that my right boob leaked while I was sleeping.

And Brad Pitt proposed to Angelina Jolie.


Hope your day has been luckier than mine.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Half Way There

I am officially 20 weeks into my pregnancy. Things I have learned so far:
  • It goes by really fast
  • It goes by really slow
  • Heartburn is insane and I'm sorry for all those who have ever had it
  • The baby enjoys kicking my cervix
  • My hormones are out of control and my husband may divorce me sometime in the next 20 weeks
  • I should have bought maternity bras from the beginning, and not just from the beginning of my pregnancy, from the time I hit the DD mark in grade 13
  • My boobs do not fit into any tops anymore - I may just have to wear moo moos from here on in.
  • The hair on my head has not grown thicker or faster, but the hair under my arms has
  • Everyone*** has an opinion about anything regarding my pregnancy
  • I still cannot wrap my head around the fact there is someone inside of me - SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME! Mind = blown
*** Everyone except my own brothers. They don't give a shit about their niece or nephew. They have not physically seen me since Christmas and have not once in the time since asked me how I or the baby are doing. I am really hurt by this. And given my current emotional state, I am at the point where I am going to cut them out of my life for good. I don't want to be disappointed any further by them or their (expletives removed) wives.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


Mrs. Magnolia and I have gone from this: http://paprikaspice.blogspot.ca/2007/08/times-two.html
To this:

What a difference five years, and the right husband, can make.

I am going to take this moment to pat us on the back. Yay us! We done good, finally.