Saturday, June 12, 2010

No Pressure

Another one of my male friends recently became single. He was married for 8 years and has a 4 year old son. I met him back in 2004 when he was the drummer for a band that was playing on the same card my band was playing. He is a sound technician by trade.

We've maintained a friendship since that first meeting. Not that we're best buds or anything, but our paths have crossed on several occasions and I've hung out with him, his wife and have met his son a few times.

He's been hounding me to go out for dinner for the last few months. I've managed to put it off up until now. I had used all legit reasons as to why I couldn't meet him - bronchitis, gig, bronchitis, broken foot.

I finally caved and agreed to go out with him on Wednesday night. Originally we were supposed to meet up at Moxie's for dinner, but that place is too chi chi for me. So I asked to switch the venue to Hurricane's. That place is way more up my alley (Yuk, yuk. Get it? Hurricane Alley? Oh, never mind.)

We ran into each other on the street just outside of the subway station and I almost didn't even recognize him. I'd forgotten how cute he is.

I was totally nervous. He made it clear to me that he's interested. He even told me he's had a crush on me since we first met. He also said I'm perfect.


I can't deal with shit like that. Seriously. Some things are just better left unsaid. And how am I supposed to respond? Thanks doesn't seem to cut it.

He drove me home and walked me to the door. He tried to go in for a kiss and I quickly veered to the left to avoid it. I could tell he was disappointed but I wasn't ready for anything more than a hug.

He texted me the next morning and asked if I wanted to catch a movie on Friday night. I had made plans to shop at the Eaton Centre with a girlfriend but suggested we could meet afterwards for a late show at the AMC.

Before heading to the movies, we stopped in to see the concert at Dundas Square which was part of the kick off for the Luminato Festival. Sass Jordan had just hit the stage and he knows I'm a big fan.

"Wanna meet her after the show?"

Um. YEAH! Apparently sound techs travel in packs and if another tech is at the show you're teching, it's an all access pass backstage.

As I was watching the show, he went to scout out which tech was on the gig. He came back and informed me it was a guy he didn't get along with. So much for the all access pass. Gah. It didn't matter though, I was having fun watching Sass rock out. Man, I want to look like her when I'm 48, but I digress.

I noticed at one point, out of the far corner of my eyeball, that he was staring at me as I was watching Sass. I turned to look at him and he smiled. I smiled back but felt a little unnerved.

A few minutes later, he was doing the same thing. Just staring at me. Not even moving to the music, just flat out standing there staring at me. I ignored him and continued rocking out to Sass' hit "High Road Easy".

Sass finished up and we made our way to the theatre.

He bought our tickets for Sex and the City 2. (His choice, not mine as I'd already seen it.) We stopped at the concession stand where he paid for our popcorn and drinks. I tried to pay for that at least but he insisted.

We were chatting casually while waiting for our snacks and I remember thinking it was nice. Apparently he picked up on that because once we got inside the dark theatre, he started putting on the moves. Which made me freeze up immediately.

Here's a list of the annoying things he did for the 2 1/2 hours that is SATC2:

* Made comments pretty much after anything happened on screen
* Stared at me, again (It's just sooooo creepy.)
* Would lean right over to look at my face after a punchline to see if I was laughing
* Put his arm around me and then kept rubbing the same spot on my arm over and over until I couldn't feel that area anymore
* Had to tell me he was leaving to pee. I'm not dumb, if you're getting up in the middle of the film and there's no fire to be seen, then I *know* you're going to the washroom
* Poked my ribcage
* Took his finger (which moments before had been shoving popcorn into his mouth) and stuck it into the corner of my mouth and lifted it to make me smile - TWICE

I was thanking Sweet Baby Jesus when the credits started rolling. I jumped up and said I had to pee real bad and made a beeline for the exit.

I spent about 7 minutes in the bathroom trying to recover from that invasion of personal space.

When I finally reemerged, he was sitting on a bench waiting, staring off into space. The moment he saw me, he jumped up and almost knocked me over he was so happy. I guess he was glad I didn't flush myself down the toilet.

We made our way to the subway and he asked which direction I was going in.

"I'm riding south around the loop and then back up to my stop."

"Well, if you come north with me, I can give you a ride home. I parked at Ossington."

I must have rolled my eyes or something when I agreed to go with him because then he said that I didn't have to.

As we were waiting on the platform, he stood in front of me and just started staring again. I looked him square in the eye and asked him why he was staring at me.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."


"Keep it up and I'm going to push you onto the tracks."

That snapped him out of it. I know it was mean to say, but OH MY GOD he just would NOT STOP. Ask one of your friends to stare at you awkwardly and I guarantee no matter how good of a friend they are, you'll want to push them after a minute.

The train arrived but for some reason a bunch of people had gathered in the same spot we were standing and then they all shoved their way onto the train. As we were about to board, the doors started closing. Instead of shoving my way on, I decided to just step backwards and off.

Which meant another agonizing 6 minutes of him staring at me until the next train arrived. GAH!

He changed things up a bit by poking me in the stomach.

"Don't poke me."

A few minutes later after another staring competition, he poked me AGAIN.

"Don't poke me. I'm not the FUCKING Pillsbury Dough Boy."


Can some please explain to him that no woman EVER wants to be poked in the stomach?! EVER?!

Mercifully the train arrived and we got on. I sat with my arms wrapped around myself in case he decided he wanted to start poking me again.

"I'm just trying really hard you know?"

"You don't have to try. We're already friends. I already like you on that level."

We got to the stop where he had parked and got into the car. He flipped on his iPod and played me a really awesome acoustic cover of Madonna's "Material Girl".

It's true about music soothing the savage beast because I was back to being in a better mood while singing along.

We got to my place and he pulled over to park the car.

"You don't have to park."

"But I want to walk you to the door."

"It's okay really. No need. Thanks for a nice night."

"I know I don't have to but I want to."

One thing he'd better learn is when a lady says no, he should listen and not make her say no again.

"You don't have to walk me. I'm perfectly capable of walking myself. I can't deal with chivalrous bullshit."

Yup. That shut him down real quick. I hate being mean but sometimes that's the only way to get the other person to really hear what you are saying.

I hugged him and he kissed me on the cheek. He tried to move in for a kiss on the lips but I got the hell out of the car before he could make contact.

After getting settled into my pyjamas, I sent him a text to thank him for the evening and apologized for my mean exit.

"It's okay. I am glad you're my friend."

"I don't know how I feel about all of this yet. Up until a few months ago, you were my married friend."

"I have feelings for you. If you don't feel that way about me, that's ok. But I hope you do. No pressure."

Yeeeeeeah, riiiiiiiiight. That text had as much pressure as a piano hitting me on the head.

I texted him again saying goodnight. He texted back wishing me sweet dreams.

Then I checked Facebook before going to sleep.

His status update came up in my feed. He must have updated it just after we finished texting. It read, "Sound Tech is alone."

There's that piano again.


  1. This is such a shame. It would be so nice for you to get together with a friend who you have so much in common with...why does he have to be so creepy?
    Maybe you need to sit down with him and calm him down - remember, he hasn't dated in a LOOOOONG time and probably has no clue how to go about it properly. If you were his wife of 8 years and he stared at you like that it would probably seem sweet...but this soon...ewwww!

  2. Usually if someone tells me I'm perfect I find that it is best to simply say "I know." (Just so you know what to do for next time.)

    Because you ARE perfect, so why not own to it?