It Didn't Matter What Colour I Wore

He wasn't there tonight.

But I did have a freaking fantastic time in the Showcase class.

I am pretty sure I'm going to stay in Showcase and dump S&T. I danced better tonight because I wasn't nervous. Don't get me wrong, I was still my usual total klutz self. I managed to snag my heel onto the bottom of my jeans which caused me to trip and almost take my partner down with me. But I was having FUN falling down this time!

And fun is exactly what I need in my life.

It'll suck not seeing Mr. David twirl around the floor anymore because he really is a wonderful dancer. But I will always have that one memory of floating around in a waltz with him for a few fleeting moments.

Besides, the Showcase dance is going to be a cha-cha, which means I'll get to wear a hot little costume that he'll definitely be seeing at the final show. And *then* he'll fall in love with me.

Why Didn't I Wear Black?

The Formation dance class I was supposed to take on Tuesday got cancelled, and with it, my guaranteed weekly gawking at Mr. David.

I was given the option of signing up for Styling & Techniques on Wednesdays or Showcase on Fridays. I told the nice lady at my dance school that I would do the Wednesday class for now, but I wanted to drop in on the Friday class before making a final decision.

I found out that the S&T class is taught by David's dance partner Nicole. I figured my chances of seeing him again would be better if I got into Nicole's class.

I came home from work, had a little bit of dinner and changed into brown cords (yes, those brown cords), a white tank top and a little gray sweater. I thought I looked casual but cute. I put on some mascara and brushed my hair and teeth. Then I said a little prayer to Sweet Baby Jesus asking him to bring David to me and headed out.

My class was being held in the upstairs studio, which is absolutely gorgeous. The main lights are kept pretty dim, and there are dozens of twinkling white lights hanging from the ceiling. All of the furniture is made out of gorgeous dark wood which gives the whole room a very cozy and warm feel. It was all dreamy and romantic as I walked into the space.

And there he was. *sigh*

He was twirling around by himself in a perfect dance hold, same as always. I said a mental thanks to SBJ for answering my prayer.

For a while, it looked like I was going to be the only one in class. But literally at one minute to the start of class, six more people walked in.

I noticed that everyone was paired off. I was the only one without a partner. And as I was noticing this, I also noticed that Nicole had gone over to speak to David. And then David started making his way over to our side of the studio. Which meant she had asked him to join in the class to be my partner. And that's when I started to panic. As I have mentioned in previous posts, David is a freaking superstar dancer. And I am ridiculously awkward.

Another thing I noticed was that all of the women were a Size 0, or less, if that's even possible. And they were all wearing black which made them practically disappear in the low lighting. I looked in the mirror standing next to David and suddenly I felt like a glowing elephant. White really shines even when low light hits it. And I swear I could see the cellulite on my thighs through my cords.

Nicole started the choreography for a waltz. Ugh. I missed waltz class while I was in Oz. However, the beginning seemed simple enough. A side-by-side grapevine.

One, two, three. One, two, three. Easy. I didn't trip or do anything dumb. Good start.

Then we joined hands into an explosion. I love saying that. All it means is we swept our free arms up, over our heads, and out to the side. But the tough part for me was HOLDING DAVID'S HAND.

I noticed he had a very light touch. And there was a bit of a callous on his palm, just under his middle finger. I hope he didn't notice how badly my hand was shaking.

Then the ladies supposed to twirl in towards their partner and continue around into a perfect waltz hold.

HA! Yeah. Did I mention how awkward I am?

David pulled me in and I twirled and crashed into him. There I was, trying to be graceful and light on my feet, and all I managed to do was provide further evidence that I am indeed an elephant.

He smiled at me and apologized. I looked up at him and mumbled my own apology. We got into proper dance hold and then started to waltz.

(Just to let you all know, the memory of this is making my heart thump wildly.)

In that first step, I almost fainted. I honestly had been dreaming about this for months. He is a strong leader but with a very light hold. His frame is delicious. I could have died right there in his arms.

We did the combination a few more times and my twirling got a little bit better. At one point while we were in hold, he looked down at me, wiggled his eyebrows and smiled at me. I totally turned into a little school girl and giggled. I'm such a DORK.

Then Nicole taught us the next part of the choreography. After showing us the steps, she took a few minutes to explain to us that the waltz is a romantic dance. We should look at our partners lovingly, like we were having the most beautiful and romantic Valentine's Day.

Well I knew I wouldn't have any problem with that. Up until then, I was trying my hardest not to look like a lovestruck goon.

So we danced the second part of the choreography which involved more hand holding. At the end of the combination I asked him what he thought and he said, "Good, except you need to work more on the emotion of the dance."

Seriously? I thought for sure he'd be scared of how in love I looked!

Then it was all over, because Nicole made us switch partners. I didn't get a chance to rotate back to him before the end of class.

And once class was finished, I ran away. I felt like such an idiot. I wasn't graceful, I wasn't emoting properly, and I couldn't think of ANYTHING to say to him. I didn't even wish him a Happy New Year. I had my chance to strike up a conversation with him and I totally blew it.

Now I'm torn. Do I stay in S&T or sign up for Showcase? I really want to be in a class where I can work on becoming more graceful. I also want to be in a class with him. But that would mean putting my awkwardness on display every week. Which would probably work against me in the whole plan to convince him he's in love with me.

All I am certain of is that I will be wearing black to dance class from now on.

Haiti

Last night, while I was enjoying an opening night performance of Rent in the front row, hundreds of thousands of people were killed or hurt by an act of Mother Nature. An earthquake absolutely leveled an entire country.

I really hope there is a God up in heaven.

My heart hurts.

Please donate to the Haitian Earthquake Relief Fund through the Red Cross or UNICEF.

Grrrrr

I know I'm in a bad mood when I want to kick homeless people.

My day started out bad when I woke up. My body is even more stiff and sore from my grandiose display of ineptness at walking on Sunday night. I could barely lift my arms up in the shower to shampoo my hair.

The day got worse standing around waiting for an eastbound streetcar for over 25 minutes. I saw five EMPTY westbound streetcars. But nothing heading east. When one finally did show up, there were about 100 of us trying to jam ourselves into the stupid tin can. Of course, there were many people who did not get on and had to continue waiting. I was one of the "lucky" ones who got to board. And I use the word "lucky" because I had to endure a guy's crotch in my face for the whole trip. That whole fiasco incensed me enough to actually write a complaint to the TTC, for the first time in the 10 years I've been living in Toronto and using the transit system.

Bad goes to worse at work where one of my students got into a shouting match with my equipment coordinator. After my abusive marriage, I have NO tolerance for yelling. Unless there is a fire, THERE IS NO REASON TO YELL AT ANYONE! (Yes, I'm yelling but you can't actually hear it.) I set the student straight, i.e. tore him a new one and sent him back to class. My equipment coordinator then threatened to quit and went home early.

And the last straw was the homeless guy smoking in the underground passage between my office building and the mall food court. Okay, so I know he's homeless and has to spend most of his time outdoors, but the LAW applies to EVERYONE and there is NO SMOKING in public buildings. Yes it sucks that he's homeless, but that doesn't mean he's above the law. It's bad enough he fucking shits and pisses in that passage way every night. But the fact that he's exposing me to CANCER CAUSING AGENTS really burns my skirt. Shit and piss don't cause cancer. Smoking does. All I wanted was a smoke-free walk from my office to the food court so I could finally get my lunch at 2pm because all hell was breaking loose at noon when I should have been eating.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

As shitty as today has been, I'm still grateful I'm alive, relatively healthy, employed and not homeless.

Flat On My Face

I've always been a klutz. I'm forever banging my elbows on door frames and my knees against my desk. I'll wake up with mysterious bruises. I'm tragically awkward.

That fact was demonstrated in spades last night as I was leaving my apartment building on my way to an open jam my friend was hosting at a local bar. My left foot got caught on something - thin air, I believe - and SPLAT! Face first on the cold pavement.

I managed to completely destroy a button on my nice red coat. I smashed my right knee and left elbow - both are ridiculously bruised today. And all the muscles in my body are sore and stiff. It feels very much like I've been in a car accident.

I gotta say though, I managed to save my face. Thank goodness I didn't knock any teeth out because I don't have dental benefits anymore.

I'm really, really glad no one was around to see my disastrous display of awkwardness. And I'm even more glad I didn't land in any dog poo.

I hope I don't do anything similar tomorrow at dance class. It's the first one of the new year and Mr. David will be there. First impressions and all that....

I'm NOT Like Sunday Morning

JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A HUGE RACK DOESN'T MEAN I'M EASY.

I don't get why guys come into my life and only want racy photos and dirty web cam chats with me.

This has happened to me more times than I care to count. The most recent with a guy I thought to be shy and decent and actually interested in getting to know me better.

We've gone out twice, and have been texting back and forth for a few weeks now. Last night he told me he was going to take a hot steamy shower. Then he offered to take a picture and show me, if I'd take a picture and show him back.

I put on the brakes and asked him flat out if we are going to start dating. He told me he wasn't ready to date anyone right now, but has enjoyed getting to know me.

"So how about that picture?"

I told him no thanks. I'm saving that fun activity for someone who wants to be with me.

Diamond Day

Today would have been Elvis Presley's 75th birthday, had he lived.

Today would have been my 4th wedding anniversary, had my marriage lived.

I'm sad The King is gone.

I'm not sad that my marriage is gone.

Sidewalk Porn Stars

I've been at my job for almost a year now, and I still get butterflies in my tummy whenever I see BGK. He's my age, totally cute, totally awesome, and a super duper nice guy.

I was on my way to Tim Hortons and I ran into him and another one of our esteemed instructors, who were making their way back to class.

BGK reached his hand out towards me. I reached back for a hand shake. He took my hand and instead of a hand shake, he gave it a kiss. I laughed and said, "Bestill my beating heart."

The other instructor then gave me a big hug. To which I responded, "Bestill my already bestilled heart!"

BGK then said, "Isn't this how a porno usually starts?"

I, of course, feigned shock to that remark. The three of us had a good laugh and off we went in opposite directions.

I had a big grin on my face walking into Tim Hortons. I *love* that I evoke dirty thoughts in him.

10N10

I went shopping with one of my best friends yesterday. A last hurrah before heading back up to my regularly scheduled life in Toronto.

I was on a mission for a pair of brown cords. It's damn cold out and I need something a little thicker than my usual array of polyester work pants.

We hit Reitmans (designed for real life!) and found the sale racks. There was a whole rack of pants on sale, many of which were the brown cords I was looking for! SCORE!

I perused the Size 12 section, as that is my size but couldn't find any brown cords. Boo. I did find a pair in Size 10.

Oh what the hell, I went to try them on anyway. At least that would keep me occupied while Jelly was trying on all sorts of pants in her size.

I pulled off my jeans and proceed to step into the cords. I was fully expecting them to get stuck around mid thigh, when lo and behold, they slipped on up with ease.

WHAAAAAAAAA? I haven't been a Size 10 since around 2006!

DOUBLE SCORE!!!!

Size 10 for $14.99. And that for sure, was a great way to start the new year!

Lesson Learned

Okay, this post is going to serve as a reminder to myself that I should not, and will no longer, put myself out there with men.

I met a guy. We flirted. Exchanged info. I then made it clear I wanted to get to know him better. He shot me down.

I know I've said this in the past, but this time it's for real.

I WILL NEVER SHOW AN INTEREST IN A MAN AGAIN. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE LOOKS LIKE BRAD PITT. UNLESS HE APPROACHES ME AND ASKS ME OUT, I AM BITING MY TONGUE.

I guess that's my first resolution of 2010. Happy New Year y'all.