Coffee & Coffins

I had the most fucked up dream last night.

It started out with me being at Perez Hilton's house in Los Angeles. He invited me over to his place to watch him blog. His house was an absolute pig sty. I couldn't believe my eyes. I figured that someone making the kind of dough he does would at least hire a housekeeper.

He invited me to sit on his couch and watch him update his blog. I thought it was cool, seeing as I read his website everyday. He was drinking coffee and eating and smoking. He showed me a picture of Britney Spears that he was going to post, but needed some inspiration for the doodles. He told me I could doodle if I wanted. So I doodled some stuff and he liked it a lot and posted it to his blog.

Then he invited me out to watch him do an interview for a local TV talk show. He had a driver pick him up in a red SUV limo. I was really excited until I went to put my shoes on and realized his dog had peed on them. He told me to just borrow a pair of his. I looked at his shoes and they were all dirty and crusty and just generally gross. I told him thanks, but no thanks, and that I'd just go barefoot.

All of a sudden, I find myself in an open coffin. It resembles a grand piano and I'm trying it out for size. The part where my feet would go was really narrow and I had to cross my legs to get my feet to fit. I told the clerk I didn't want that coffin because I didn't want my legs crossed as that would be uncomfortable. He reminded me that when I'm dead, I probably wouldn't care if I even had any feet. I told him it was my coffin and I would pick what I wanted.

I woke up from that dream screaming.

That'll teach me to eat potato chips and chocolate before bed. :P