Saturday, April 3, 2010

Open Letter

I had a loooooong conversation with my sister-in-law yesterday about the hurt I'm still feeling over events that took place when I went to Australia back in October.

The result was the end of a 15+ year friendship. I ended it but I didn't get the opportunity to tell her exactly what I thought of her and the situation that led up to the end of things.

As I was talking to my sister-in-law, all the hurt and anger bubbled up again, as if it had happened yesterday. Even thinking about it now is making me crazy.

My sister-in-law suggested I write my former friend a letter to get some closure. It's a good idea however instead of sending it to that person, I'm going to write it here. I feel if I made contact with her, it would open up an invitation for her to contact me. And frankly, there is nothing she could say that would ever explain or justify her actions. Seriously. Short of her telling me she had a personality-altering brain tumour, there's NOTHING I'd ever accept as justification.

So here is my open letter to her. Most of this won't make sense to you my dear readers, but I need to use this space right now just for me.

Dear K,

Funny that I am using the word "dear" to address you right now. Maybe it would be better as "oh dear" because that is all that went through my mind when you left me at the hostel in Melbourne.

I know we fought the night before. It was over a misunderstanding and we both lost our temper. I apologized to you even though you were totally wrong. I'm sure you would disagree with that point but I'm always the first one to step up and admit when I'm wrong. But this time you were flat out wrong.

At any rate I had decided to suck it up and take one for the team. Little did I know what lurked beneath your ever smiling exterior. There is a girl who has no regard for anyone except herself. There is a girl who has been lying to herself and everyone around her for her whole life. There is a girl who will never know the true meaning of love and family.

I have always considered you to be my little sister. I always protected you and went to bat for you. I caused a strain on my friendship with your sister because she didn't like the bond you and I had. All these years I always thought your sister was jealous and mean because she was so unaccepting of you. Now I know different. She wasn't mad at me, she was mad at you because she knew the truth about you. She was mad that you were lying to me and the rest of our inner circle about the type of person you really are. I have to give your sister credit because she never once said a disparaging thing against you. She simply distanced herself from you, which in turn distanced herself from us.

I have to admit, you had me hook, line and sinker. You had me completely under the belief that you have been misunderstood by your family, especially your sister. That's why I was so absolutely blindsided by your vicious reaction to a simple little fight.

Friends fight. Family fight. But they also forgive and get over it. If they truly love the other person, they don't drag it on and they certainly don't behave in a vengeful manner.

Exactly two seconds after are blow up, you cancelled my flight to Cairns. Talk about acting in the heat of the moment. You took steps to abandon me in a country that was literally half way around the world. As awful as that action was, the worse part came the next morning. Because you didn't have the decency to tell me to my face you'd cancelled my flight. You let me figure it out the hard way. So fuck you on that one. If you're gonna be the bitch you claim me to be, at least have the balls to own your actions.

You left me to fend for myself. Usually I wouldn't have a problem doing that because I am a very independent person and I actually enjoy doing things for myself. However you held all the cards on that trip. You'd made all the arrangements, you'd paid for everything and you had months to save up for the trip while I only had a few weeks. You knew my situation and yet you left me without any means to help myself. You knew there was no way for me to book a bus or a hotel or a flight. YOU FUCKING KNEW THAT. And still you had no problem cancelling my flight.

When I emailed your sister to tell her what happened, the first thing she responded with was, "I'm not surprised". WOW. That tells me sooooo much about you. It tells me what I've already said at the beginning of this letter. No matter how much you claim to love someone, you have no problem stabbing them in the back.

Your mother was prepared to pay for a flight for me. That again tells me sooooo much about how vicious you are. Your family was deeply disturbed that you could do something like that to your best friend. Your would-be maid of honour. The person you were going to will everything to in case you ever met your untimely demise.

I was lucky to have a friend in Melbourne who so graciously opened her home to me. I must not be that bad of a person if someone I knew only briefly through work and whom I hadn't seen in two years would allow me to occupy space in her home when she's got a baby to look after.

I spent a lot of time thinking about our friendship over the years and I realized there was a pattern of douchey behaviour on your part and forgiveness on my part. And it always seemed to involve a man.

I always found it strange that you and G ended up dating right after I confided in you that I loved him. Suddenly you wanted to visit me more and visit me at the office. It hurt me that you would be throwing yourself at him right in front of my face, in his cubicle which was right beside mine. But I conceded, because I wasn't about to let some silly man come between me and my sister.

When you dumped him, I was there for you, no questions. I believed you when you told me he was abusive towards you. I believed you when you told me he was crazy and stalking you. I told you I would kick his ass if he came near you. I put a huge distance between me and him which affected our friendship and our work relationship for about a year. But I didn't care because I was loyal to you.

Then I was seeing A. And I introduced you to him. And all of a sudden, you wanted to hang out more with me and A. I gladly included you in our plans even though I really wanted to spend time with my boyfriend alone. And then one night at a party, you basically made out with him RIGHT IN FRONT of me. I got mad and left. And later you claimed it to be a misunderstanding. And I forgave you because I wasn't about to let some silly man get in between me and my sister.

And in Australia, I told you I thought our tour guide was really cute. After having said nothing to me that whole morning, all of a sudden you came to life and was happily chatting and giggling up a storm with him. AND I LET IT GO BECAUSE I WASN'T ABOUT TO LET SOME SILLY MAN GET IN BETWEEN ME AND MY SISTER.

I have no idea why you had this ridiculous competition going on between us. Of course you'd always win. You're thin and small and pretty and you'd play all the stupid girly games that guys totally fall for that I refuse to play. So it was no contest. Yet you made it one. The only thing I ever had on you was my huge boobs but then you went and got yourself a boob job. So yeah, now it's no contest.

All I ever did was support you. Through every break up, I had your back - no questions. Perhaps I should have asked questions when you dumped T. I have to say I wasn't shocked. I knew you wouldn't make it down the aisle but I held out hope maybe this time it would work out and you wouldn't end it. But the pattern repeated and I was there to help pick up the pieces, fiercely defending you. I talked to T just after it happened and convinced him to stay the hell away from you. Little did I know it should have been him telling me to stay away from you.

I would have punched him in the mouth had you asked me to. Because that's what having someone's back means. And I feel like a fool for being so totally blind to the fact that you leave a path of destruction in every relationship you've had. Including now our friendship.

I went over that fight a thousand times in my mind. And I reversed our positions and asked myself would I have done the same thing? Would I have been so mad at you that I could feel right in abandoning you with no means to help yourself? And the answer always comes back NO. Because I could NEVER do something so evil to someone I call sister.

And the worst part is you NEVER said sorry. Not once. You tried contacting me for a few weeks after but those phone calls and emails never had the words "I'm sorry". And THAT is probably the shittiest part.

No wait, the shittiest part was you accusing me of giving T the keys to your house so he could break in, steal things and murder you in your sleep. No, no, the actual shittiest part was accusing me of sleeping with T. See it somehow always gets back to the man competition. Actually, the true shittiest part is you LYING to MY friends about what actually happened regarding the flight. And yeah you better believe it when I say they are MY friends.

You have no true friends. I was your ONLY friend. The reason Blondie and Jelly ever accepted you was because I brought you into MY circle. And ever since October you've been feeding them bullshit about what happened.

I contacted Virgin Blue and got the transcript of what happened with my reservation. You've been telling anyone who'll listen that after we parted ways on Friday, you returned on Sunday look for me. When you couldn't find me, you figured I went home so you didn't want to waste the ticket and it was then you cancelled it.


The transcript VB happily emailed me showed CLEARLY you cancelled my flight on Thursday night. Not Sunday. Three full days BEFORE.

I will never ask Blondie and Jelly to chose between you or me. But I hope they realize if you could do that to me, then you most certainly could do the same, or worse, to them.

You are probably the most despicable person I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. You are a regret in my life. If there was a way to turn back time and make the decision not to be your friend, I would do it without hesitation. I feel awful knowing I chose to defend you against everyone when I should have been helping THEM take you down off that ridiculous high horse you've climbed.

I wish I could ask my friends and family to cut you out of their lives. But I can't make decisions for them. I can only hope they will understand and decide for themselves that you must be a class A piece of evil if I have completely severed ties with you. Because I always forgive right? I am the believer and champion of second chances.

Not this time.

You are nothing and no one to me forever.

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