Just Shoot Me Now

I went to see a matinee screening of Sex and the City 2 with two of my (married) girlfriends on Saturday. Right after which, I attended a wedding.

I went solo (No, I couldn't find a date in the many months since I received the invitation, thanks for asking.) and the only person I knew at the wedding aside from the Bride & Groom was my friend Cheryl. Her hubby was out of town and couldn't make it so I was her date for the day.

I've been trying really hard lately to just let go of all the sadness I have about my perpetual single state. But between seeing SATC2 which focuses heavily on married life, and talking with my married girlfriends, and going to a wedding and Mrs. Magnolia's wedding tomorrow, I think I'm going to cry or jump out a window. Or both.

This situation has been getting worse and worse with every passing day. Not only do I not have a husband, I do not have a boyfriend, and I do not get dates. I got one drunken roll in the hay with a so-called friend who never contacted me again.

The loneliness is eating me alive. It's a hole in my heart that I can feel slowly sucking the joy out of my life.

I've never been the needy type. In fact, I've always fiercely protected my independence. But holy shit man, it would be so totally awesome to have someone in my life who loves me and isn't blood related.

I just don't want to die childless and alone. I know I've written something similar, if not exactly the same, in a previous post but it fucking scares me at how totally possible that is.

And the reason I keep obsessing over this is because I go home to an empty apartment, and after I've finished watching my TiVo'd shows and surfing the net and playing with my cat, there's NOTHING ELSE to DISTRACT me from thinking about how damn ALONE I am.

Someone pass me some whiskey quick!