Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Oh Boy Oh Beer

I learned three things last night:

1. Beer is the devil when used as a meal replacement.

2. If you don't use it, you'll lose it.

3. A man will have sex with me regardless of the amount of hair growing on my legs, under my arms, and way down into the nether regions.

I met up with an old friend last night, who has recently become single. I have known him for the better part of 6 years, and I have always had a crush on him. My ex husband hated his guts because he made me admit that I had a crush. One of the many reasons why I turfed my ex.

Anyway, it was through the grapevine that I heard about my friend's newly single status. I sent him an email offering my support. I asked him to keep in touch and perhaps sometime soon we can have drinks and trade war stories.

A few hours after sending that email, I received a message back from him which thanked me for my support and asked me what I was doing later in the evening.

"Having a beer with you? :)"

"Indeed. Meet me at 8pm."

I was still at the office when I received his email around 6:45pm. I flew out of there like a mad woman and went home to try to pull myself together into at least a presentable version of myself.

I figured I would probably only get one shot at this so I changed into a top with a lot of cleavage, threw on some make up, spritzed with perfume and put on a pair of cute black heels. I was thinking I would probably end up coming home alone as is always the case, so I didn't bother turning off any lights or my TV as I ran out the door.

I arrived shortly after 8pm. I almost didn't recognize him at first. I guess it's because I was seeing him as the cute single guy sitting at the bar instead of my married friend.

We drank, we chatted, we caught up, we flirted and about 4 beers and two bars later, he made his move.

I can't really remember exactly what it was that I said, or that he said, but he looked at me and leaned in for a kiss.

It was soft and nice and sweet and gentle. Just as I would expect my friend to kiss me. It lasted a moment. We pulled apart and continued looking at each other. When he figured I wasn't going to slap him or laugh at him, he moved in for another kiss.

And yowza, what a kiss that was! It was everything I ever dreamed it could be. And yes, I had fantasized about him in the past. He lived up to my expectations.

Then we became that gross couple making out in public. Hurrah!

He invited me back to his place and I told him I'm up for making out with him, but I wouldn't sleep with him. I asked him if we could make a date for that later and he said sure.

Then he told me how long it had been since he's had sex.

16 months.

Well, can you blame me for caving? :)

We made out in the cab and made out when we got to his place and made out on the bed and then all our clothes fell off. I just have no idea how that even happened! ;)

Once we were naked, it got a bit awkward. I swear it was that scene from Friends when Monica & Chandler first hook up in the hotel room in London after Ross' wedding to Emily.

It was so weird to be making out with him, never mind naked and about to have sex with him.

I think the awkwardness took hold of him because he was having a bit of a problem at one point.

"It's okay. We don't have to do this tonight."

"Noooooo, you don't understand! SIXTEEN MONTHS!"

"Oh I understand. I'm at 13 myself. But we can't force it."

He looked at me, grabbed me and started kissing me passionately. He um, manned up, so to speak and got over whatever it was that had been holding him back.

He got over it 3 times. Hehehe.

We cuddled and kissed and fell in and out of sleep for the rest of the night. He was super sweet and attentive and got up about 5 times to get me a glass of water because I was so dehydrated from all the beer and sex.

Now for a few of the less stellar moments from my end.

I couldn't have an orgasm. I never have a problem reaching climax unless I am sick, drunk or scared. I was two out of three last night. All I kept thinking about was the fact that I was doing *it* with *him* and that my bikini line hadn't seen a pot of wax in, well....I don't even know how long it's been. I'm totally unkempt a la Miranda in the Sex and the City movie when they were all sunbathing in Mexico.

So I faked it. I didn't want to burst his bubble seeing as we already had difficulty getting things rolling.

I also managed to hurt my right hip. In fact, at one point he asked, "Was that your hip popping?" I laughed and told him I'm getting so old I'll probably need a hip replacement. Which really isn't far from the truth seeing as I could barely walk this morning.

And I somehow let him see me with all the lights turned on. My hair was a mess, my make up smeared all over my face and I was NAKED. Ugh.

I put myself together as best as possible given I was still drunk and it was 6am. He walked me to the door and hugged me and then made out with me some more. He's such a good kisser.

As I left, we each said goodbye. Not, "see ya soon" or "talk to you later", but just goodbye.

I really hope this isn't the end of our friendship. I certainly don't expect he will become my boyfriend or fall in love with me. But I would like to spend more time with him.

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