The Interview

As I was helping tear down from our show last night, a really drunk dude approached me.

Drunk Dude: Wow, you're an incredibly gorgeous woman.

Paprika: Thanks.

DD: Are you with the band? (This was my clue as to how drunk he really was.)

P: Um yeah. I'm the singer.

DD: You were singing? Tonight?

P: Yup, the whole night. That was me.

DD: Are you single?

P: Yes.

DD: Me too!

He puts his hand up for a high-five. I can't leave people hanging so I slapped his hand.

DD: Any kids?

P: Nope.

DD: Do you want kids?

P: Eventually. (Ha! I'm surprised he couldn't hear my biological clock screaming at that moment.)

DD: My name is Drunk Dude. Nice to meet you.

He puts his hand out.

P: Paprika.

I take his hand and shake it. Surprisingly, it was a solid one.

DD: Are you Italian?

P: Nope.

DD: What are you?

P: Maltese.

DD: Oh that's practically the same thing. I'm Italian.

P: Yup, well there's a section of the Mediterranean Sea that separates us.

DD: You're at the bottom of my boot! (He laughs) So can I have your phone number?

P: Wow, that's really nice of you to ask. But I'll have to pass.

DD: Aw come on! We can go out!

P: Really, thanks. But no thanks.

I gotta give him credit for two things. The first being that I was clearly out of his league but he asked me out anyway. The second being his interview process. He got right down to it and hit all the major points - marital status, kids and future plans. I think that's an excellent approach. Why bother wasting time if the person you want to ask out has completely different goals?

The big thing I'll deduct points for is the fact that he was there the whole night and didn't realize I was the lead singer. Dude, if you want to score with the hot rock star, you shouldn't be *so* drunk that you can't identify that I'd been up there all night shaking my money maker to entertain your drunk ass.